Thursday, March 17, 2005 Updated: March 18, 10:57 AM ET
By Rachel Nichols Page 2
EDITOR'S NOTE: On occasion, we all need help. But where to turn? Fortunately, Rachel Nichols is here to bring us the special kind of advice that only the world's greatest athletes can dole out. Whether to take it or not ... well, that's up to you. Today's Ill-Advised expert: Chris Paul, Wake Forest guard and owner of a 20-point, six-rebound, five-assist line in Thursday night's opening-round NCAA Tournament win over Chattanooga. Last week, Chris learned the hard way about hitting someone below the belt "don't," is his new advice on that one but that isn't all he's got for us.RACHEL: So it's tournament time, and there's only one way to go: Rip the phone cord out of the wall, staple the remote to your palm and get a little too friendly with your pizza delivery guy.
This week, we get a March Madness expert to dole out the advice. And as always, inquiring minds want to know: What's the best advice anybody ever gave you?
CHRIS: Well, my grandfather always told me, just work harder than the next guy. People always say, you never know how hard someone else is working. Well, I was that guy in the next state over. I was the one working to get that scholarship.
RACHEL: So when the rest of us were knocking off for some McDonald's, you were the guy still in the gym.
Practice, practice, practice. It's the best way to stay away from Duke women.
CHRIS: True. But I did still get my fries.
RACHEL: Nice save. Never close the door on an endorsement opportunity. OK, let's get down to the puzzled masses, like this from Zach Borowiak from St. Louis. He writes, "I'm a law student at Saint Louis University trying to get to Jupiter, Fla., to see the Cardinals at spring training. I have $80 in my bank account, and Spring Break is in two weeks. Any advice on how to pull this off?"
CHRIS: He's got to cut some grass or something. Eighty bucks ain't gonna do it, son.
RACHEL: Well, what do you do when you need to get some cash?
CHRIS: One word: poker. That's what most people do around here when they need money. But my mom and dad actually live just right down the street, so I just call. I say, "I love you. Now can I borrow $20?"
RACHEL: A real sweet talker, I see. Matt Leinart said he pulls the same thing when he wants his mother to do his laundry. It's the voice. I think all you guys have just the right inflection down to say, "Mommmm ... "
CHRIS: You know, it works.
RACHEL: Well, there you go. Zach watch some "Tilt," hit the mower. And when all else fails, call your mom.
Next up. Jennifer in Frenchtown, Michigan, writes, "I'm about to bring my boyfriend home for the first time. The only problem is that we're a Michigan family, and he's an Ohio State graduate. Trust me, in my family, this is a big deal. Do we tell my dad right when we get there, or should we wait until my boyfriend has laid on the charm first?"
CHRIS: You got to tell your dad right away. Otherwise, the man feels betrayed later. Just make it an ice breaker like, "You're not going to believe the funniest thing ... "
RACHEL: How would you tell your parents if you ever dated a Duke girl?
CHRIS: Oh that's no problem. I won't do that. That's against my morals.
RACHEL: Really. So your qualifications are what?
CHRIS: Good-looking. Can't have gone to Duke.
RACHEL: You're a tough man. Hearts are breaking all over Durham. And judging from the next question, brains in the Bluegrass State aren't doing much better. Josh Prantall writes, "I'm the world's most die-hard Kentucky fan. Of course, everyone says that about their school, so I need to find a more serious way to show my devotion. I'm thinking of changing my first name to 'Wildcat,' but my mom is freaking out. How can I get her on board?"
CHRIS: Yeah, he's crazy.
RACHEL: Wildcat Prantall. No ring there, Josh. Give it up.
CHRIS: You need a hobby, man. Stamps, maybe.
RACHEL: Has anyone done anything weird like that for you? Named their baby after you or something?
CHRIS: Actually, this lady, she has a dog. And her dog's name is CP. And the most ironic part is that the dog has three legs. So it's CP3. I took a picture with it, too.
RACHEL: Wow. There are hundreds of kids in this country named after Michael Jordan, and you get a three-legged dog. What, the family rat already had a name?
CHRIS: Well, she's got another dog named Duncan.
RACHEL: No word as to how many dog legs Tim has earned.
All right, this is just as inane when I pull the college questions, they only get weird. Thomas Ellis from Tampa writes, "Each year, my friend and I have a bet: Whoever's team goes further in the tournament wins. It's gotten pretty serious. One year, I had to paint my house Carolina blue. This year, the stakes are that whoever loses gets a mohawk. But I just found out my sister-in-law's wedding is the week after the Final Four, and now my wife says I have to back out of the bet."
CHRIS: You can't back out of a bet. If he loses, he needs to ask his brother-in-law if they can wear top hats or something.
RACHEL: A bet is a bet?
CHRIS: You can't back out. That's not right. It's top hats or bandanas for you, or you better hope your team takes care of business for you.
RACHEL: Skull cap in the wedding photo. Lovely.
All right, our last question each week: What's the best advice you have for the people out there?
CHRIS: You know what I can do really well? Make a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich. You have to get wheat bread, and when you get the peanut butter, make sure it's the creamy kind, not the crunchy kind.
RACHEL: So that's your advice: Creamy not Crunchy?
CHRIS: Just in general. It's a good way to go.
Got an issue or a question, or otherwise need to be 'Ill-Advised' in the future? Send it to Rachel Nichols right here.