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|Jeff Francoeur has had plenty of reasons to be happy in his first season in the bigs.|
RACHEL: Protein french fries? C'mon, Jeff, let's live a little here. When you're a kid, how often does your mom say, "You can eat whatever you want"? JEFF: Well, of course, you can do what my roommate and I do now, which is go out and buy Taco Bell every night. RACHEL: Now we're talking. JEFF: About six soft tacos, two orders of nachos, plus four cheeseburgers from the dollar menu at McDonald's. I happen to know that you can put on weight very fast that way. RACHEL: See, Ben, good advice, and we didn't even ask who you were kissing when you picked up mono. We're so discreet here. Now, I can't say the same for Sara Otterman in Arizona. She writes, "I manage our company softball team, and the woman who plays third base started going out with one of our worst players. He's been playing so much better since they started dating, but now she tells me she wants to break up with him. Our season's only three more weeks. How do I keep them together just a little longer?" JEFF: It's her duty to stay with the guy. Just tell her that. I mean, if you have a ritual going, and it's working, you have to stick with it. There's no arguing there. When I'm at home, I eat Chick-fil-A every single day, eat the same meal, sit in the same seat. You just got to keep doing what's working. RACHEL: OK, but there's a difference between saying, "Give me combo No. 3," and "I can't believe I have to go home with this guy again tonight." JEFF: Hey, either you're a team player or you're not. Simple as that. RACHEL: All right, Sara, you heard the man. Simple as that. Let's move on to Bill in Raleigh, N.C. He writes, "I've tried everything to improve my golf game. I've had lessons and even got one of those tapes. But I'm sick of working at it. Can't I just coast by on luck? Got any good-luck tricks so I can start hitting some pars?" JEFF: I say just go out and start hitting it, and whatever's going to happen is going to happen. That's what I do in baseball; I just swing at the first few pitches, mostly. I don't wait much.
RACHEL: Maybe he should try the Chick-fil-A? The Jeff Francoeur special. JEFF: Oh, I have some better good-luck rituals than that, but I can't say them here. RACHEL: Oh, but you can. JEFF: Well, I guess no. Then we'd have X-rated ESPN.com, and that's not good. RACHEL: I see. Bill, sounds like you might want to get in touch with Jeff privately. Either that, or "Hustler" should. In the meantime, next up is Evan Schoonfeld in New Jersey. He writes, "This is my first semester at college and I hate it. It was my last-choice school, and now I see why: The teachers are idiots, the sports teams lose all the time and the dorm rooms smell like the inside of Jeremy Shockey's pants. What can I do to make this place bearable?" JEFF: This is simple. Go out and get drunk every night. RACHEL: So we're going to assume Evan is a very old college freshman when we give him this advice. Like a 22-year-old college freshman. JEFF: Right. Sure. And if he is, then he's probably already spent some time drinking, so he knows how. This is good advice. I've been to some pretty bad towns, and there's always a way to make it fun. RACHEL: What's the worst minor-league town you had to spend time in? JEFF: Hickory, North Carolina. But we made it fun. We had a couple parties at the hotel, and invited some people from outside Hickory. We made the place fun against its will. RACHEL: So I'm thinking there's a hotel in Hickory that no longer accepts baseball players staying there?
|Francoeur's been a hit, both with his bat and his glove.|