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|Jack can crack open a cold one whenever he wants. (AP Photo/Reed Saxon)|
|NBA commissioner Daniel Stern -- now that'd be funny. (AP Photo/Chris Urso)|
|Many Knicks fans feel like they're in prison. (AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)|
Q: Which of the following would best describe your reaction to your adopted Clippers team signing Vin Baker: (A) The surreal incredulity of Dr. Loomis after Michael Myers lives though being shot repeatedly ("I shot him six times!"); (B) the smoldering frustration of Sollozzo after finding out Don Corleone survived the attempted hit ("He's still alive."); (C) the silent resignation of Apollo Creed as Rocky beckons to him to keep fighting at the end of their first bout.
|This is gonna take some getting used to. (AP Photo/Rick Silva)|
1) You suck at every intramural sport, as well as every video game and every drinking game, so this is really the only way you can find a competitive outlet -- by participating in a sport that's not even remotely fun to do (so the odds have been decreased because anyone with any semblance of coordination would rather be doing something else). 2) You're looking for an acceptable excuse to get up at 5:30 a.m. on weekends so you don't have to be out drinking, partying or doing anything else that might result in you having a memorable experience in college. 3) You were looking for an activity in which you need to be in phenomenal shape and routinely throw up, but for no real reason. 4) You really, really, REALLY liked "Oxford Blues." (And by the way, if rowing is a sport, then "playing Madden while walking at 3.8 miles per hour on the treadmill" should also be considered a sport. So don't worry about it, Jon B. Stick to your guns. It's a free country.) Q: Where does Jessica Simpson trying to bang every single A and B+ list celebrity rank on the Vengeance Scale?
|Yes, Hayden Panettiere has grown up a bit. (AP Photo/Tammie Arroyo)|
Q: Is the introduction of the Starbucks breakfast sandwich the most crushing blow to individual physical fitness of the past decade? I just crushed one of those in about 23 seconds and I'm not going to lie, I could go for another.
|The U.S. needs Jason McElwain on the Olympic team. (AP Photo/The Daily Messenger, Eric Sucar)|