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There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to come right out with it: I think TNT sideline reporter Craig Sager is a centaur. You know, one of those half man/half horse things? It's crazy, I realize, but consider the following three things: |
1. All of his TV appearances are from the waist up ... perhaps to cover up his freakish horsey legs.
2. He dresses like a character from that "Narnia" movie.
3. Between timeouts, he likes to snack on oats.
OK, so the last one is mostly speculation, but is there anyone else out there that you'd be less shocked to discover that they were secretly centaurian (and shouldn't that be the name of some new reality TV show)? I've racked my brain, and I think Paul Shaffer is next in line, and he's not even close. Who else is there?
Things that I've done in my life: (1) attended five WNBA games; (2) seen Madonna twice; (3) went to watch my Uncle Russ in the '01 Gay Games. On the Ozzie Guillen scale of gayness, how gay (or not gay) am I? I'm so confused. By the way, I have a wife and a son.
--Ryan, Sheboygan, Wisc.
What is your problem with Miami and the Heat? You sound like a sore loser. Miami was the best team at the end, period. Your opinion is so bias. Miami won because they have the best players and the best coach. Shaquille is not the same Shaq of a couple of years ago but without his presence Miami did not have a chance.
--Jose, Miami Lakes, Fla.
I recently witnessed the work of Peter North in a clip from 1984. As usual, he delivered the goods. It got me thinking -- in an era when we are forced to know so much about the lives of inconsequential, will-be-gone-tomorrow wannabes (see: Nicole Ritchie, K-Fed, Bode Miller, etc.), how on earth do we know so little about a man (Mr. North) who has been at the top of his profession for so long? Seriously, there are few other individuals out there who are as universally known, admired, and appreciated by a significant segment of American males. But does anyone know anything about this guy? Who wouldn't read/watch/listen to his story? I sure would -- wouldn't you? His staying power is simply unprecedented. Thoughts?
--Bruce, Washington, D.C.
My friends and I have this ongoing conversation about what you would do if you were 7 feet tall for one day. I think you cannot spend any less than 4 hours of the day just dunking. Beyond that we don't have too many ideas that really stick out. I was wondering what your thoughts were on the topic and what you might do?
--Mike C., New Jersey
A possible conspiracy theory: ISIAH THOMAS IS SECRETLY ATTEMPTING A COMEBACK TO THE NBA. Think about it! The Knicks roster is filled with a bunch of useless players who no one can root for with contracts that are impossible to move, which has given Knicks fans a reason to demand a radical new approach. Looking back at his roster moves and draft decisions, Isiah has made sure that the team doesn't have a single player that can actually play his natural position (Marbury, Francis and Nate Robinson are NOT point guards), so he can seamlessly step in and begin "contributing." We all know Zeke is delusional, and unbelievably competitive. I bet that he really thinks he can help the Knicks do well next year as a player-coach, and thanks to NBA mastermind James Dolan, he has had the opportunity to create the circumstances that can prove his point. The man has definitely kept in shape, mysteriously avoiding the inevitable 25-30-pound weight gain customary for NBA retirees. Your thoughts?
--Aman Kedir, New York
I finally picked up your book and was tearing through it today. I had about 80 pages left when it happened. I put NICDIP down on the counter in the bathroom at Logan, which is hazardous in itself, and used the urinal. When I finished up and turned around it was gone. One of the guys snatched it. To top it off, the bookstore carries Klosterman's book, but not the hometown sports guy's book. Ruined my day. Your book has reached "Worth stealing if someone is peeing and not looking" status. Congratulations.
--Jared, East Bridgewater, Mass.
You probably know this since you're an IMDB hound, but you probably have a thing for the actress that plays Ari's wife on "Entourage" because she also played the freshman girl that Grover hooked up with in Noah Baumbach's "Kicking and Screaming." The DVD's finally coming out this August (by the way).
--Manish, Washington, D.C.
I was flipping channels the other night when I stumbled upon the WNBA All-Star Game. As soon as my brain processed what it was, I desperately went to change the channel. But right before I hit Channel Up, I saw some short chick drive the lane and attempt to dunk, only to come up about two feet short and ricochet the ball off the BOTTOM of the rim. Rendered temporarily paralyzed by shock, disbelief and pure hilarity, I couldn't change the channel. Next, I got to see another much taller woman gather the miss and attempt to dunk herself. She failed miserably the first time but then backed out and tried again, as if this was a dunk contest. She was successful on the second try (and I use the word "successful" very loosely) drawing raucous cheers from the 80 or so people who were in the stands, the majority of whom were MSG employees. Then, to top it all off, another woman on the opposing team dribbled coast-to-coast and attempted a dunk at her basket as time expired and, wouldn't you know it, she too failed. How do they expect us to watch that ridiculous 45-second sequence and take this league seriously?
--Gary Saldutti, Wall, N.J.
|Ben's reception at the ESPYS is another moment he'd like to forget.|
|Meet Julian Tavarez. The anti-Viagra for Red Sox Nation.|