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|One thing is clear: the Royals don't cut costs when it comes to the postgame spread.|
|"Hey, Gilbert, why don't you try passing once in awhile?"|
|LeBron may not know Dr. Seuss, but he knows how to reads the zeroes in his contract.|
|It's not like Zidane's head butt meant anything ...|
Because Pol Pot snippets are too hard to find
A North Carolina high school soccer team played a 90-second portion of a speech from Adolf Hitler over the PA system during pregame warmups. Happens to the best of us
Said the school's principal in an apology fax: "We have a German exchange student on our team. He taught our students to say ['on to victory'] in German. Some of our more zealous students sought to capture this slogan in German and to play it on the PA. They copied it from a speech by Hitler but could not just copy the 'On to victory' and got too much of the speech." Apology fax time!
A Nebraska youth football coach was charged with 96 counts of possession of child pornography after handing out football camp flyers that had been printed out on child porn he had been looking at while drunk. That'll learn 'em
A Texas high school football coach kicked six players off the team because they donated blood before practice. Now soliciting blood donations
A Utah high school football player was charged with assault for allegedly putting a thumbtack in his glove and pricking opponents during postgame handshakes. Molding boys into men, one crackback block at a time
Former Carolina Panthers lineman Kevin Donnalley resigned his position as a high school football coach after he reportedly disciplined a player by taking a running start and hitting the player from behind, then disciplining two teammates who tried to help the player up. Woody Hayes? Wuss
A California assistant youth football coach was arrested for rushing onto the field during a game and tackling an opposing player. "And when you want that first down as much as you want oxygen, that's when you'll be a champion!"
An Oklahoma assistant high school football coach grabbed one of his players by the throat, threw him against a wall and choked him until he passed out. Hey, you can't be too careful around youth football coaches
A Philadelphia man pulled a gun on a youth football coach because his son wasn't getting enough playing time. Pulling a gun? So uncouth
A Virginia youth football league commissioner fired a team's coach on the eve of the playoffs because the coach failed to play the commissioner's son exactly as he demanded. Friday's school lunch: shish kabob
Utah high school students killed a sheep and hung it on the goal posts of a rival school prior to a football game. Because a diaper would have chafed
A Florida junior high baseball coach was accused of forcing a player to strip and suck his thumb while running laps. One buck to avoid firearms, animal sacrifice, child porn, naked laps, youth football coaches and Hitler's Greatest Hits? Sounds like a bargain to us
A Florida middle school teacher was charged with bribery for allegedly letting children pay a $1 a day to skip gym class.
|Andrei Kirilenko, obviously deep in thought about his wife's offer, perhaps eyeing a cheerleader on the sidelines.|
Really, what's the point of a fake job if you still have to work?
Oklahoma quarterback Rhett Bomar and lineman J.D. Quinn were dismissed from the team for reporting to the IRS that they were paid for working 40-hour weeks at a local car dealership, when in fact they were working five-hour weeks. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you
Ohio University tight end Corey Logan was charged with striking a police horse. Had it been for a PS3, we'd totally understand
Wisconsin cornerback Jack Ikewuonu and twin brother Bill, a safety at Northern Illinois, broke into an apartment and stole an XBox game. In related news, bird-originated NCAA grievances dropped 85 percent
The NCAA ordered William & Mary to remove the feathers on its athletic logo after ruling that they were offensive. This would never happen to an Ivy League team
Thirty-one football players from the University of Miami and Florida International were suspended for storming the Orange Bowl field and engaging in a third-quarter brawl. Oops
The Dartmouth athletic department and football team apologized for a fight that broke out during postgame handshakes at the end of game against Holy Cross. Voice of reason
Said television analyst and former Miami player Lamar Thomas, watching the UM-FIU brawl from the Orange Bowl press box: "Now that's what I'm talking about! You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked ... I was about to go down the elevator and get in that thing." Really -- he was about to go down the elevator and get in that thing
Thomas was previously jailed for attacking his pregnant fiancee and violating probation when he choked his fiancee in front of his six-month old son. And at that resolution, you can actually make out each pixel of the school's academic mission spontaneously combusting
The University of Texas unveiled a football stadium scoreboard measuring 144.85 feet diagonally, making it the world's largest high-definition display. Wait -- Texas fans care a little too much about college football?
A Texas fan who blamed Doug Flutie's television analysis for the team's upset loss to Kansas State sent a threatening message to the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation for Autism.
|What was Johnny Damon doing singing the national anthem at the World Series?|
|Ms. Sharapova would undoubtedly be fined for wearing this outfit at hallowed Wimbledon.|
A former Marshall University cheerleader sued for sexual harassment, claiming that the squad's cheers had sexual code names, that a female coach encouraged cheerleaders to act in a sexually provocative manner at a golf team fundraiser and that a male cheerleader rubbed his scrotum on her face. Seriously, lighten up, it's just a scrotum against your face
The lawsuit claims that when the cheerleader refused to go along with the sexual hijinks, she was put on probation for "not being personable." See? Personable
A Southern Illinois basketball cheerleader who fell off a human pyramid and suffered a concussion continued to do a cheer routine with her arms after paramedics strapped her into a gurney. Marshall immediately offered them scholarships
Two cheerleaders for the CFL's Hamilton Tiger-Cats were suspended after discussing their sexual experiences on the Howard Stern show. By "flammable liquid," do you mean "way too much alcohol?"
Puckhead, the unofficial mascot of a Pennsylvania minor league hockey team, set his fake beard and jersey on fire after pouring flammable liquid in his mouth and lighting it. When Animals Attack!
The University of Tennessee's bluetick coonhound mascot was accused of biting a University of Alabama football player before a game. When Guys in Animal Suits Attack!
The Tennessee Titans' mascot struck New Orleans quarterback Adrian McPherson with a golf cart in a preseason game, injuring McPherson's knee. Life imitates art. Specifically, the "American Pie" film franchise Wisconsin put its marching band on probation for road trip misconduct that included female band members being forced to suck on sex toys, draw pornographic pictures and kiss each other in order to use bus bathrooms. What part of cheer-leader don't you understand?
Fans at the Turin Games booed the official Olympic cheerleaders. That's the spirit!
The Olympic cheerleaders, who had just four months of training, rattled their pom poms when a bloody fight broke out between hockey teams from the Czech Republic and Finland. OK, no wonder they were booed
Said one fan: "They're not like the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders -- they're fully clothed."
A great disturbance, as if millions of ears erupted in blood and were suddenly made deaf
After signing with the Dallas Cowboys, Terrell Owens released a celebratory rap track on his Web site. "I actually said 'Godlike'"
Owens claimed he was misquoted in his own autobiography, which described his return from an ankle injury to play in the Super Bowl as "heroic." Tour de Farce
Supposedly unable to practice due to a training camp hamstring injury, Owens wore a Lance Armstrong jersey while riding a stationary bike on the Cowboys' sideline. In that case, no worries!
After showing up late to team meetings, Owens claimed that he wasn't trying to express his displeasure with Cowboys' management, but rather that he simply overslept. Because nobody with money could ever be unhappy
Refuting reports that Owens attempted to commit suicide by overdosing on painkillers and referring to his $25 million contract, publicist Kim Etheredge said: "Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive." Make that 24,965,000 reasons
Owens was fined $35,000 for spitting in the face of Atlanta Falcons cornerback DeAngelo Hall during a game. PEN/Faulkner Award Finalist of the Year
Owens released his first children's book, "Little T Learns to Share." Yeah, spitting on your own face kinda sucks
Says Owens' character, "Little T," in the book: "I tried to play outside alone and throw it by myself, but football isn't football unless you play with someone else." Wait -- that's the reason it's ironic?
Said co-author Courtney Parker: "It's a life lesson for discipline. It's ironic because he's considered one of the more undisciplined players in the NFL." Because "Ulysses" was too short
A second book, "Little T Learns What Not to Say," is set to be released next year.
|Shani Davis||Chad Hedrick|
|Barbara Fusar Poli and Maurizio Margaglio|