Friday, August 31, 2007
What I learned from "25 Hours of College Football"
By DJ Gallo
Like you, I'm sure, I took in every glorious second of ESPN's "25 Hours of College Football." Here are 25 things I learned during those 90,000 seconds of multiplatform excellence.
1. Jack Bauer may be the guy for 24 hours, but if you need someone with the stamina to go an extra hour, then Rece Davis is your man.
2. Nothing reminds you that life is fleeting and ultimately empty like a clock at the bottom of your TV screen counting off each second you've spent staring at it.
3. Unlike chatting with most people at 3:45 a.m., chatting with ESPN.com's college football editor on SportsNation at 3:45 a.m. won't get you on "Dateline."
4. That is, unless you ask very detailed questions about the physical makeup of high school prospects.
5. Not a single one of my local pizza delivery places stayed open all night to serve those of us engaging in this orgy of college football. Unacceptable. That's like not being open for the Super Bowl.
6. Wherever Herb Street is, it must be one of the most handsome streets in America.
7. The best iPod mix for "25 Hours of College Football"? "Overkill" by Men at Work. On repeat.
8. Fred Thompson says he is going to run for president. Idiot. Doesn't he know no one is paying attention right now? It's "25 Hours of College Football," baby!
9. Retirement has served Larry Coker well. He looks like he's only 114 years old now.
10. If Lou Holtz can stay up for 25 hours, so can I.
11. Mel Kiper Jr. will not answer the chat question: "Who will the Texans take with their compensatory pick in the sixth round of the 2013 NFL draft?"
12. Kansas head coach Mark Mangino can be interviewed, but apparently only over the phone. My guess is he does not fit on camera.
13. Despite "25 Hours of College Football" being in full effect, friends and family still call my phone as though it's just another day. Luckily my new cell phone message explains what day it is.
14. Tim Tebow apparently refined his throwing motion at Florida's Biomechanics and Motion Analysis Laboratory this offseason. Hmmm. Probably more like they refined their equipment by watching him throw.
15. "25 Hours of College Football" is sponsored by TiVo. But my TiVo has only 20 hours of HD recording capacity. Oh no! How will I save this for my grandchildren to watch one day?
16. The 3 a.m. edition of "College Football Live" was actually live, not a rebroadcast of an earlier edition. Unfortunately I feel there are few other people out there who appreciated this bit of corporate honesty.
17. Twenty-five hours and not a single mention of Terrell Owens, David Beckham, Barry Bonds, Michael Vick or Tim Donaghy. I demand 25 more!
18. No mention of Tiger Woods either. Is he perhaps no longer "Now"?
19. Twenty-five hours of time to fill, and not a single report on how to get my hair to look like this? Heads should roll in Bristol for this.
20. Whew! I'm told there's an upcoming special called "25 Hours of Jimmy Clausen's Hair." I assume there will be time-lapse photography used, because there's no way it takes fewer than 25 hours to gel that thing.
21. Informal poll of those watching with me: Instead of a running clock on the screen, most believe bigger ratings could have been scored with a constant shot of a running Erin Andrews.
22. All that time to fill, and not once did Mark May resort to telling tales of what it was like playing the wheelchair-bound boy on "Malcolm In The Middle." Very impressive.
23. One problem with taking in 25 hours of pregame: Once the actual game starts, you're too tired to stay awake for it. I wonder if LSU won?
24. I will miss Rece Davis. I feel that he has become a major part of my life over the past day-plus.
25. Only 25 more hours until "100 Days Of College Basketball" begins!
DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN the Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" is on sale now.