Friday, September 14, 2007
Tale of the Tape: Carr vs. Weis vs. Spears
By DJ Gallo and Kurt Snibbe Page 2
Who's having the worst of it right now -- Michigan football coach Lloyd Carr, Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis, or former pop sensation Britney Spears? Tough call and a good excuse for this tale of the tape.
We miss the old Britney ... don't you?
MOST DISAPPOINTING LOSS
Carr: Appalachian State Weis: Gastric bypass lawsuit Spears: Once misplaced her kids for a week
MOST OFTEN COMPARED TO
Carr: Jim Tressel Weis: Ty Willingham Spears: Paris Hilton, if Paris was skankier and less talented
Carr: Team speed Weis: Rushing offense Spears: When lip-synching, track shuts off unexpectedly
Carr: Prevent Weis: Prevent Spears: Prozac
Carr: Yelling at defense Weis: Cursing out officials Spears: Not applicable
Carr: Hat hair Weis: Flattop Spears: Buzz cut
DREAMBOAT QUARTERBACK LINKED TO
Carr: Tom Brady Weis: Brady Quinn Spears: Matt Leinart
Carr: Briefs Weis: Dear God, we hope so Spears: None
Carr: Bo Schembechler Weis: Bill Parcells Spears: Madonna
Carr: Ryan Mallett Weis: Jimmy Clausen Spears: The majority of preteen girls in the country, unfortunately
NEXT PLACE YOU'LL SEE THEM ON TV
Carr: Big Ten Network Weis: NBC Spears: Spice
Carr: 0-2 Weis: 0-2 Spears: Tin
Carr: Notre Dame Weis: Michigan Spears: Someone on "Celebrity Fit Club"
Carr: Network analyst Weis: Ty Willingham's offensive coordinator Spears: Jamie Lynn Spears' cautionary tale
Who's the winner er, loser? Well, isn't it obvious? Gimme more Britney!
DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" is on sale now.