Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Updated: January 3, 2:08 PM ET
The year in pictures ... and captions
By DJ Gallo
Before we get too far into 2008, let's look back at the iconic images from 2007's greatest sporting events.
Unfortunately, once a year is complete, our archive system automatically deletes all the captions from old photos. So I had to use what I recall from each major event in 2007 to put in captions of my own.
I think I got pretty close to the original captions. See what you think.
• "By a show of hands, who in here have I shot before?"
• "That is so nice of you to ask. But tonight's results notwithstanding, I think Adrian Peterson has better long-term potential. So I'd like to keep my options open."
• "First of all, I am happy you are excited to have me as your coach. Clearly you don't follow the NFL very closely, and that's a good thing for me."
• "Listen, gentlemen. Do not try to be heroes out there tonight. Only one of us is Tim Tebow."
• "My team has been exposed. We're like bare arms in a sweater vest."
• "Come back here! Don't make me fire off a warning shot!"
• "Rex, I'm sure this is just the start of great things for you. It's all uphill from here."
• "Come on, do it. Ask him if that rumor about Bridget Moynahan is true."
• "What do you mean the vibrations from their speakers have broken all of our spy camera lenses?"
• "We're winning, but somehow the whole playoff experience wouldn't feel real if I didn't do this."
• "Maybe if I just turn and throw it straight out of bounds, no one will intercept it."
• "If this sheet blows down, America is going to think the Janet Jackson thing was G-rated."
• "Congratulations on becoming the first black coach to lose a Super Bowl."
• "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, baby. Rubbin' is racin'."
• "What?! $3.49 for regular unleaded?! That's insane. I'll find another pit stop someplace else."
• "Help! Help! Help me! All of my sponsor logos are getting ruined!"
• "I'm OK. I'm good actually. Bleeding helped relieve some of the pressure behind my eyes."
• "OK, bring out the mask. I'm sorry. I just can't take it anymore."
• "What direction is Kentucky? That way?"
• "You'll love this jacket. I've found it gives great support through the chest."
• "He has nice hair. I wonder if that look would work for me."
• "It would be more fitting to have a Raiders jersey with No. 2 on it, if you know what I mean."
• "That was quite a long wait you had. How many embarrassing pictures were you in during that time that will someday make their way to the Internet? Fifteen? Twenty?"
• "This Saturday night you're going to find out what it's like to get punched by a man who likes to wear ladies' clothing."
• "I have decided to rejoin the Yankees, fans! Also, in a related hiring, Brian McNamee has rejoined the team's training staff."
• "Yay! We finally get to shave!"
• "Ohmigod. If Tony doesn't get me a wedding ring this big, I'm going to be soooooo pissed at him."
• "I've never been in a photo with three inanimate objects before."
• "Thank you for coming up here, Mr. Oden. But where is your grandson? No, no -- I'm kidding, I'm kidding. That joke is so played out. You don't look a day over 40."
• "That's awesome. You're totally blinding the queen with your plate."
• "I am so excited to be here in America. Really. My ankle is literally throbbing with excitement."
• "Tim Donaghy is just one rogue ref."
• "OK, maybe he is one of five rogue referees. But that's still not a lot."
• "OK, okay. He's one of at least 10, OK? Are you happy now? All of them are corrupt, alright? Either completely incompetent or corrupt. There, I said it."
• "This is the Garden, where some of the greatest ever played. I'm talking Dino Radja, Dana Barros, Ron Mercer, Jiri Welsch. The list goes on."
• "Little help. Little help here, please. I tried to bow, but I think I pulled something in my back because I'm so top-heavy."
• "Thank you for your support through all these years. You are all welcome to visit me in jail any time."
• "This would make an awesome hood ornament on my Buick LeSabre."
• "I am sorry for what I did. And I want everyone to know I'm not some animal. If I was, my friends probably would have put me down long ago."
• "Hey, don't look at me like that. It's not my fault."
• "What do you mean we've been compromised? #^%&. OK, here's what you do. Go destroy all of my documents. All but my contract with Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness."
• "Well, at least I have the Knicks' season to look forward to."
• "OK, I think I determined why all of these flies are attracted to you. There is a huge brown skidmark on the back of your pants. Would you like to tell me how that got there?"
• "I'm sorry. I'm not used to having any estrogen in my body. It makes me tear up easily."
• "Please tell me that's water they just wasted by dumping on me and not beer."
• "Yay! No Jimmy Fallon!"
• "Yeah, I took it from my parents' maid. She doesn't know. She'll probably get fired."
• "Hmm. A $108 million payroll. I'm not sure what I can do with that."
• "This can not be happening. We're being badly outcoached by Dave Wannstedt."
• "Looks like your draft stock just went in the crapper, buddy. Sorry.
• "Mark my words: If you want to hire someone to help further destroy the credibility of your sport, you can't hire a better man than Sen. George Mitchell."
• "Remember when Rafael Palmeiro did this in Congress? Man, that was hilarious."
• "I've got Mitchell reports here, Mitchell reports! Come and get 'em! You can't know who to asterisk if you don't have a report."
DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" is on sale now.