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Thursday, January 31, 2008
Updated: February 15, 3:35 PM ET
During Super Bowl week, lamb castration makes the quiz

By Patrick Hruby
Page 2

Paid attention to the week in sports -- and other stuff, like the buildup to the Super Bowl -- that was? Put your powers of observation and recall to the test with our weekly quiz:

1. According to New York Giants offensive lineman Grey Ruegamer, the worst part of castrating a lamb with your teeth is:
(a) The blood on your mustache
(b) Castrating a lamb with your teeth

2. Ruegamer, who castrated lambs with his teeth while working on a sheep and cattle ranch outside Las Vegas, described the experience as:
(a) "Worth it"
(b) "Good times"
(c) "There was beer"
(d) All of the above
(e) And you thought those anything-for-a-beer Super Bowl ads were comic exaggerations

Bill Belichick
The Bill Belichick we once knew.
3. Identify the image to the right:
(a) Former Cleveland Browns head coach Bill Belichick
(b) It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown!

4. Which of the following individuals wore a wedding dress to Super Bowl media day and asked New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady to marry them?
(a) Bridget Moynahan
(b) Gisele Bundchen
(c) TV Azteca reporter Ines Gomez Mont
(d) Sports Illustrated's Peter King

5. Which of the following Super Bowl-related restraining orders is real?
(a) Randy Moss must stay at least 500 feet away from Rachelle Washington
(b) Jeremy Shockey must stay at least 500 feet away from players who actually matter
(c) Belichick must stay at least 500 feet away from the home video section at Best Buy
(d) Mercury Morris must stay at least 500 feet away from Brady's ankle

6. Giants receiver Plaxico Burress believes that:
(a) The CIA is responsible for AIDS, crack cocaine and "Arli$$"
(b) Tom Cruise makes a lot of sense when discussing modern pharmacology, because he has done the reading
(c) If you sail past the edge of the map, your boat will fall off the Earth
(d) His team may have better receivers than the Patriots'

7. What did Burress wear around his neck during Super Bowl media day?
(a) A diamond crucifix on a gold chain
(b) A silver baby Jesus, swaddled in a pearl-studded mink coat
(c) Adult Jesus overturning the money changers' tables, sculpted in red gold
(d) A platinum camel, squeezing through a ruby-rimmed eye of a needle

8. The National Football League:
(a) Is flying a 10-year-old boy from Erie, Pa., to the Super Bowl as the winner of a contest in which participants pledge to be physically active for at least 60 minutes per day
(b) Would like you to buy a copy -- or two -- of "Madden 08," the only video game officially licensed by the NFL and its players

9. Earlier this week, Amazon.com was accepting preorders for a book entitled:
(a) "19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots"
(b) "October 1994: The Expos, the White Sox, and the Battle for the World Series"
(c) "Charge(r) It! A Decade of the Best Credit Card Commercials Starring Ryan Leaf"
(d) "Gore at War, Part III," by Bob Woodward

10. Which of the following headlines is made up?
(a) " Hookers Flock to Arizona for Super Bowl"
(b) "Eugene Robinson Flocks to Arizona for Super Bowl"

Tone Loc
Yes, apparently Tone Loc is still performing.
11. According to the Arizona Republic, a three-day Super Bowl block party in downtown Phoenix will:
(a) Be hosted by former NBA guard Dan Majerle
(b) Feature Tone Loc, Young MC and Digital Underground
(c) A and B
(d) Include a free screening of "Freejack," a Perot for President voter registration booth, and a special guest appearance by the cast of the hot new series "Beverly Hills 90210," provided they can take time off from their busy shooting schedule

12. The Majerle-hosted Super Bowl block party also will feature:
(a) Former NFL running back Emmitt Smith, on hand to help set the Guinness world record for "Largest Dish Ever Washed"
(b) Smith showing up in Arizona to pad a record? Get out!

13. Advocacy group Environment America released a pre-Super Bowl statement demanding Congress get serious about global warming before rising temperatures:
(a) "Fumble away" cold-weather football teams' home-field advantage
(b) Encourage even more fat-guy shirtlessness
(c) Render the Lambeau Field bikini girls slightly less heroic
(d) Force the Patriots to purchase underwater cameras

14. Which of the following marketing metrics was NOT cited by a Boston Globe article arguing that Patriots fans are "smarter, classier and healthier" than the "riffraff" who root for the Giants?
(a) Likelihood of holding a bachelor's or postgraduate degree
(b) Likelihood of living in a home worth more than $200,000
(c) Likelihood of drinking Amstel Light instead of whiskey
(d) Likelihood of harboring deep-seated municipal inferiority complex

15. The fourth annual Lingerie Bowl was:
(a) Canceled
(b) Sniff

16. In order to rebut allegations that Roger Clemens' career rebounded around the time he was accused of using performance-enhancing drugs, the pitcher's agent released:
(a) A decade-old video of Clemens trying -- and failing -- to pull a weed-wacker with his teeth
(b) Forty-seven photographs of Clemens' forehead, circa 1998-2008, none showing sutures, discoloration, scar tissue or other signs of surgical third ear removal
(c) Prescription slips for all of that perfectly legal lidocaine
(d) An 18,000-word statistical report

17. Which of the following arguments is NOT made in the 18,000-word report released by Clemens' agent?
(a) Clemens' longevity was due to his split-finger fastball offsetting the age-related speed decrease of his regular fastball
(b) Clemens' career variations compare to Randy Johnson's, Curt Schilling's and Nolan Ryan's
(c) Clemens was not "in the twilight of his career" in 1996
(d) Clemens threw that bat shard at Mike Piazza not out of 'roid rage, but simply out of being a total [expletive]

18. According to TMZ.com, the producers of the lie detector-themed game show "Moment of Truth":
(a) Sent a letter to Clemens' manager asking the former pitcher to appear on the show
(b) Are awesome
(c) Would be even more awesome if they'd sweetened the offer with a promise of unlimited bottled water

19. Republican senator and Hall of Fame pitcher Jim Bunning reportedly expressed dissatisfaction with Clemens' statistical report because:
(a) It listed Bunning among five pitchers who were successful into their 40s
(b) All five of the pitchers listed, including Bunning, played their final season at age 39
(c) A and B
(d) Clemens thinks the public is not only credulous, but also incapable of performing simple arithmetic

20. When Koby Clemens, Roger's son, told the Houston Chronicle he was upset because of what his father has "done for the game," he was referring to:
(a) Dad being paid millions of dollars to throw a little white ball
(b) Dad being lauded and cheered and adored for throwing a little white ball
(c) Dad never having to sit behind a desk or file a TPS report because of his ability to throw a little white ball
(d) None of the above

21. An artist who plans to unveil a sculpture of Barbaro -- on his back, hooves in air, a saddlecloth over his belly -- near Central Park this spring previously sculpted which of the following? (Select all that apply)
(a) A nude Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug
(b) An interactive autopsy of Paris Hilton
(c) A depiction of Prince Harry killed in war
(d) Isiah Thomas accepting the NBA Coach of the Year award

Al Davis
Might be time for Mr. Davis to relinquish control, don't ya think?
22. On a scale of 1-10, with one being "very low" and 10 being "very high," rate the level of confidence Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis currently has in head coach Lane Kiffin:
(a) -5

23. In exchange for Minnesota Twins pitcher Johan Santana, the New York Mets traded away:
(a) Carlos Gomez, Philip Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey
(b) Pocket lint, loose change, gum wrapper, keys to a missing bike lock
(c) Beans ... magic beans
(d) Al Jefferson, a couple of stiffs, a fourth-round pick that won't help the Raiders anyway

24. A basketball writer for the Philadelphia Inquirer:
(a) Wrote that the New York Knicks are "far from world beaters"
(b) Wrote that the Philadelphia 76ers appear "miles behind" the Knicks
(c) A and B
(d) Understands metaphors, except when they involve units of geographic distance

25. Isiah Thomas' 19-year-old son, Joshua, allegedly screamed "This is bull----!" at:
(a) A police officer, before he was arrested for underage drinking after getting punched in the face at an Indiana bar
(b) His television, after watching the Knicks

26. According to a police report, Joshua Thomas also vomited and passed out:
(a) In the back of a police car on the way to jail
(b) While reading over Jerome James' contract

27. On the morning of the Australian Open women's final, tennis legend Billie Jean King reportedly sent Maria Sharapova a text message reading:
(a) Champions take chances
(b) Pressure is a privilege
(c) A and B
(d) Click this link for 50 percent off at the Successories store

28. Boxing promoter Don King:
(a) Told SI.com that "for a fighter, it's incidental that he should be paid"
(b) Sometimes confuses "incidental" with "accidental"

29. Which of the following headlines is the LEAST surprising?
(a) "Vick Loses $1.08 Million Lawsuit"
(b) "Spears Taken From Home in Ambulance"
(c) "Packers' Favre Hasn't Decided if He'll Return in '08
(d) None of the above

30. According to reports, a brand of condoms named after Los Angeles Galaxy star David Beckham:
(a) Is the top-selling brand in China
(b) Sees more live action than its namesake

31. Asked about the condoms, Beckham agent Simon Oliveria reportedly:
(a) Said, "It's not an official brand"
(b) Became the target of administrative headhunters for NFL Properties and the NCAA

ANALOGIES
32. Robert Kraft and Belichick : closer thanks to Spygate
(a) Baathists and al-Qaida : closer thanks to insurgency
(b) Kevin Federline 'n' kids : closer thanks to Britney
(c) Coffee mug and glued-on handle : closer thanks to Barbaro
(d) All of the above

33. Tony Romo : karaoke
(a) Romo : winning playoff games
(b) Romo : handling snaps for crucial playoff game FG attempts
(c) Romo : selecting hands-off potential in-laws
(d) All of the above

34. Baltimore Ravens : Rex Ryan
(a) New York Yankees : Billy Martin
(b) Liz Taylor : Richard Burton
(c) Jack Twist : Ennis Del Mar
(d) All of the above

Ian Poulter
Actually, the laugh's on you, Ian. The laugh's on you.
35. Ian Poulter : up there with Tiger Woods
(a) Bob Ross : up there with Michelangelo
(b) Kyle Boller : up there with Tom Brady
(c) Roger Clemens' statisticians : up there with Stephen Hawking
(d) All of the above

EXTRA CREDIT
36. The Omaha World-Herald reported that football recruit Will Compton accepted a scholarship offer from Nebraska partially because Cornhuskers linebackers coach Mike Ekeler wore a temporary arm tattoo in Old English script that read:
(a) Compton
(b) LoCash

37. According to the New York Times, former NBA player Magic Johnson:
(a) Thinks the Knicks will make the playoffs and be a "tough" seed
(b) Thinks Ian Poulter will be right up there with Tiger Woods
(c) Thinks Guliani-Thompson and Edwards-Kucinich tickets would be near unbeatable
(c) Needs some warm milk and a nap

38. New Jersey Nets point guard Jason Kidd is reportedly in the middle of a potential three-way deal that involves:
(a) Portland, Dallas and New Jersey
(b) Toni Braxton, Jamal Mashburn and Jim Jackson

39. Which of the following was NOT one of the categories used by Consumer Reports when it gave Busch Light, Natural Light and Keystone Light "best buy" ratings for Super Bowl beer?
(a) Cost
(b) Calories
(c) Taste
(d) Taste while castrating lambs with teeth

ESSAY QUESTION
A Boulder, Colo., venture capitalist reportedly paid $25,000 for the naming rights to a bathroom in a University of Colorado building. In 800 words or less, describe how forcefully professional sports owners smacked themselves in the foreheads upon reading this news.

ANSWER KEY: 1, a, and you know what? We'll have to take his word for it; 2, d, and how can Bud Light not have hired Ruegamer as a spokesman already?; 3, a, and seriously, this is exactly how Snoopy dressed when hitting the nightclub with Franklin; 4, c, and well played, TV Azteca!; 5, a; 6, d, and nice job with the final score prediction, too; 7-10, a; 11, and what, no 3rd Bass?; 12-13, a; 14, d; 15, a, and rats!; 16, d, though a and b would have been more convincing; 17, d; 18, all answers valid, that's almost as good as TV Azteca; 19, c, though d seems likely; 20, d; 21, a, b and c; 22, a, and we're probably being generous; 23, a, did they throw in a set of steak knives?; 24, c; 25-26, a, if there's one thing "Cops" has taught us -- besides the importance of keeping one's shirt in the "on" position -- it's that intoxication and interaction with law enforcement mixes as well as Gatorade and grain alcohol; 27, c; 28, a, for being a killer, Don King is the best; 29, d; 30-31, a; 32-34, d; 35, d, in fairness, Poulter says he was misquoted, but then again, don't they all?; 36, a, and CB4 fo' lyfe, yo!; 37-38, a; 39, d, and why doesn't Consumer Reports just tell us which beer tastes best lukewarm and guzzled from a red plastic cup in the basement of a frat house, already?; Essay Question: any variation on "more PSI than a Drago punch during a "Survivor"-scored training montage" or "forcefully enough to slightly alter the Earth's orbit around Barry Bonds' head" is acceptable.