Wednesday, April 23, 2008
The NFL draft in pictures
By DJ Gallo
Did you stupidly spend this spring weekend outside instead of watching every minute of the NFL draft? If so, here are some of the sights and sounds that you missed.
• "If you give $20 to our cause, you get a team logo mug. But for a generous donation of $50, you get an official team helmet."
• "I know that as the No. 1 pick I have a very big helmet to fill."
• "Who is that hottie over there?" "That's my mom."
• "Let's get a picture with all of your kids in the background." "Oh, real funny."
• "Um ... do you have this jersey in a husky size?"
• "Are you all wearing black because this is sort of a funeral for my career?"
• "Let me be the first to boo you to your face."
• "I need to get this off of my head. It burns."
• "We are inanimate objects. We don't talk or think. Why did you waste time clicking on this one?"
• "I wish Sen. Specter would stop booing me every time I come on stage."
• "Woooo! We're going inside to sit for five hours and hear a recitation of names! Woooo!"
• "No wonder you were drafted so late. You look kind of old."
• "Please don't punch me in the eye like the last guy."
• "Must ... stick ... to diet. Must ... not eat ... delicious ... team color ... M&M's."
• "Too bad the Chiefs stink." "Too bad I'm now richer than you."
• "My hat looks cool, right?"
• "OK. Now let's get a picture with everyone who saw 'Broken Arrow.'"
• "Ha! Brady Quinn is still sitting there."
• "Yeah, I think winning the starting job on this team will be really tough."
• "Oh, whoa is me. Another day and still Aaron Rodgers isn't injured."
• "A few months of eating what I want and riding my tractor and Packers fans don't even recognize me anymore."
• "He's been in Europe all offseason, so I went to his house and raided his closet. And his mousse..."
• "Should I tell him that I see Pacman Jones breaking into his car on the security camera monitor?"
• "Scott Line-who? I'm sorry. I have never heard of you. You must have called the wrong number."
• "I spent $19.95 on my watch, if you must know. Why? What did Glenn Dorsey spend on his?"
DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book: "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck": is on sale now:.