"I'm replacing you with someone who can't buy tickets to an R-rated movie."
Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie has followd Tim Floyd's lead and started recruiting his players young. Really young. Meet Michael Avery, the fifteen-year-old eigth grader who has committed to being a Wildcat before he's played a minute of high school ball. Here's his résumé, and a pie chart he worked up to illustrate the reasoning behind his decision.
MICHAEL AVERY
6'4'' | 15 years old | Kentucky Recruit
OBJECTIVES:
Attend a division I school on a basketball scholarship
Obtain my learner's permit
Take Ashley Judd to my Senior Prom
Beat Halo 3 on Legendary Mode
EDUCATION:
Lake Sherwood Elementary, 2000-2006
MVP of the basketball and kickball teams. Named McDonald's All-America in both fingerpainting and sharing.
Lake Sherwood Middle School, 2006-Present
Led my junior team to back-to-back district championships after a freak Heelys accident sidelined me for most of my sixth-grade year.
QUALIFICATIONS:
Satisfactory reading level for handling the school work of any college athlete.
I can dribble the ball between my legs.
I own a headband and a new pair of Jordans.
I'm nearly mustachioed.
ABOUT ME:
I'm just a kid looking for a place to get a good education and get me ready for the NBA. If I had a choice, I'd like to go to a school with a prestigious program but waning expectations for success. I also enjoy cheerleaders.
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