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Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Updated: July 2, 7:10 AM ET
THE AUCTION BLOCK:
PROFILES IN INTERNET SALES COURAGE



Is that pine tar on your bat or are you just happy to see me?

When it comes to sports-themed memorabilia, the internet can be a bazaar of the bizarre. For every signed rookie card and game-worn jersey there is a post-surgery bone spur or wad of used chewing gum that attracts the less discerning collector. Let's take a look at the unusual and interesting items up for sale at this very moment.

"Pine Tar Wars" Novelty 45 Country singer C.W. McCall drawled this musical ode to George Brett and Billy Martin, which was committed to wax in 1983 following Brett's famously furious reaction to a disallowed homer. The lyrics run along these lines:

Billy grabbed the bat, as both teams sat, In awe, upon their benches Says there y'are, that there's Pine Tar, An' it's a whole lot more 'en eighteen inches

Seller Bill Denney bought a few boxes of these vintage singles from a fellow K.C. resident, and since then he's sold some, and given a few away to good friends. The record has proven to be the perfect present for the Royals fan who thinks he has it all.

"I met a guy once who had absolutely everything related to George Brett," Denney says. "He had never heard of it and didn't believe me. I drove home, grabbed a record, took it back and gave it to him—he about fainted!"

No kiddin'.

The flipside features a sentimental tune called "Little Boy's Hero" by Kansas City businessman Larry Stewart. When Stewart passed away in 2007, he was revealed to be the mysterious "Secret Santa" who had handed out cash to needy citizens for decades. He totaled around $1.3 million in anonymous, unsolicited gifts over his lifetime.

Denney says he even gave a couple of singles to George Brett, to save for his kids. "He laughed," says Denney, "and joked about how nobody has a record player anymore and he didn't know how he would listen to them".

Try the public library.

Asking Price: $14.95

Dream Date with a Linebacker

Josh Korb of Steel-Town Memorabilia will bring five-time Pro Bowl linebacker Greg Lloyd to your house, where he will hang out, drink Red Bull, and watch the September 14th Steelers/Browns game with you and a handful of guests. He got the idea for the auction from the ubiquitous Peyton Manning "pass the chips" commercial. Don't try sending Greg to Romeo Crennel's house, though.

"I'll be screening the winning bids" says Korb, "An Ohio address would be a big red flag". Good news: the price is negotiable. And remember, this was "inspired" by a Manning commercial.

Asking Price: $10,000

Boston Celtics Mr. Potato Head

This guy's the real deal. It's like he's got eyes in the back of his head. Seller Mike Brysky thinks this gourmet spud will end up on a plate with onion rings long before he gets an NBA championship ring. Asked which current Celtic bears the closest resemblance to Mr. P.H., Mike nominated Gabe Pruitt, with Leon Powe running a close second. Funny, we would have totally gone with Sam Cassell.

Asking Price: $8.90

Isiah Thomas Puppet Kooler

Think the Knicks had a tough time getting rid of full-sized Isaiah? eBay auctioneer Kim has had this "freezer activated" version of Zeke in her online inventory for more than a year, while similar items sporting other famous faces flew off the virtual shelves. The certificate of authenticity (included!) claims that the creepy, leering puppet face was created by a commissioned artist, to which Kim responds "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess". Asking Price: $9.99

…Also available in Jose Canseco!!

Super Bowl XVIII … Bowls

Adam Chappelle found a full set of these comforting crocks in an old farmhouse, but he only kept three. "The rest had god-knows-what crusted all over them and looked downright disgusting." he says. The son of two Boston College grads, Adam says the best meal he ever ate from these bowls was a hail-mary heap of Flutie Flakes. Somehow, we think John Madden might approve.

Asking Price: $0.99

Also found: Mickey Mantle on a Marble

The Bottle only a Sun Devil fan could love.

The Monday Night Football Beer Glass that tells it like it is.

Florida Marlins Mushroom Grotto Candle Holder (as odd as it sounds).

That's it for this week. Keep your eyes peeled for future installments.