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Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Mount Rushmore's sculptors never envisioned this ...

By Page 2

As "SportsCenter" winds down its Mount Rushmore of Sports promotion, Page 2 wonders who would be etched onto the Mount Rushmores of various offbeat categories:

Rollie Fingers
Rollie Fingers: A first-ballot inductee to the Page 2 mustache Hall of Fame.

Mount Rushmore of sports mustaches:
Rollie Fingers, Goose Gossage, Dale Earnhardt, Mark Spitz

Mount Rushmore of beards:
Johnny Damon, Scot Pollard, Jeff Bagwell, Bruce Sutter

Mount Rushmore of sports hair:
Allen Iverson, Jaromir Jagr, Oscar Gamble, Julius Erving

Mount Rushmore of nicknames:
Elroy "Crazy Legs" Hirsch, Dick "Night Train" Lane, Ted "The Splendid Splinter" Williams, "Shoeless" Joe Jackson

Mount Rushmore of dubious coaching:
Grady Little, Rich Kotite, Lionel Hollins, Rod Marinelli

Mount Rushmore of meltdowns:
Dennis Green, Mike Gundy, Hal McRae, Jim Mora

More on Mount Rushmore
Scoop Jackson: NBA Mount Rushmores
David Schoenfield: AL Mount Rushmores
David Schoenfield: NL Mount Rushmores
John Buccigross: NHL Mount Rushmores
SportsCenter: Mount Rushmore of sports

Mount Rushmore of athletic fat guys:
Babe Ruth, John Daly, Tony Gwynn, William "Refrigerator" Perry

Mount Rushmore of one-hit wonders:
Buster Douglas, Don Larsen, Timmy Smith, Jeffrey Maier

Mount Rushmore of LOOGYs:
Jesse Orosco, Paul Assenmacher, Dan Plesac, Mike Myers

Mount Rushmore of horrendous execs:
Isiah Thomas, Matt Millen, Elgin Baylor, Kevin McHale

Mount Rushmore of mascots:
Stanford Tree, Phillie Phanatic, San Diego Chicken, Phoenix Suns Gorilla

Mount Rushmore of lawn care:
George Toma, Gene Bossard, Roger Bossard, Brett Favre

Larry Johnson, Muggsy Bogues
Muggsy Bogues, with Hornets teammate Larry Johnson, is the scrappiest NBA player ever in our estimation.

Mount Rushmore of scrappiness:
Wes Welker, David Eckstein, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Bowa

Mount Rushmore of blown calls:
Don Denkinger, Ed Hochuli, Richie Garcia, Phil Luckett

Mount Rushmore of bad teammates:
Terrell Owens, Stephon Marbury, Ty Cobb, Sean Avery

Mount Rushmore of sports movie characters:
Crash Davis, the Hanson brothers, Rocky Balboa, Carl Spackler

Mount Rushmore of unretiring
Brett Favre, George Foreman, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan

Mount Rushmore of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models:
Cheryl Tiegs, Christie Brinkley, Kathy Ireland, Elle Macpherson

Mount Rushmore of announcers:
Vin Scully, Chick Hearn, Keith Jackson, John Madden

Mount Rushmore of coaches who misuse the challenge flag:
Andy Reid, Norv Turner, Brad Childress, Marty Schottenheimer

Mount Rushmore of eyewear:
Harry Caray, Kurt Rambis, Billie Jean King, Reggie Jackson

Redskins Fun Bunch
Before the NFL became the No Fun League, the Fun Bunch celebrated in unison.

Mount Rushmore of touchdown celebrations:
Billy "White Shoes" Johnson, Chad Ocho Cinco, Washington Redskins Fun Bunch, Ickey Woods

Mount Rushmore of spying:
Bill Belichick, 1951 New York Giants, McLaren auto racing team, Moe Berg

Mount Rushmore of NFL combine workout wonders:
Mike Mamula, Vernon Davis, Tony Mandarich, Matt Jones

Mount Rushmore of smokers:
Vlade Divac, Red Auerbach, Jim Leyland, John Daly

Mount Rushmore of Roy Williamses:
Roy Williams, Roy Williams, Roy Williams, Roy Williams

Mount Rushmore of overhyped:
Brian Bosworth, Freddy Adu, Michelle Wie, Eric Lindros

Mount Rushmore of goats:
Bill Buckner, Scott Norwood, Chris Webber, Steve Bartman

Mount Rushmore of dancing:
Emmitt Smith, Apolo Anton Ohno, Helio Castroneves, Kristi Yamaguchi

Mount Rushmore of busts:
Ryan Leaf, Sam Bowie, Brien Taylor, Morganna the Kissing Bandit

Jim Caple, Kieran Darcy, DJ Gallo, Paul Lukas, Thomas Neumann, David Schoenfield and Kurt Snibbe chiseled this list.