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Monday, July 6, 2009
Epilogues


As usual, boatloads of good ideas and stories came long after I'd turned in a recent column. Where are you people when I need you? This time it was how to fix the recession by making the office more like sports.

Everybody had an idea:

You missed the best one of all … when everyone rolls in first thing in the morning the energy is always low. But suppose everyone stood outside the entryway at 7:59, and suddenly the lights went down, and the music came up … Annnnnd now, here they are, your office staff, at secretary, from Community College of Southern Nevada, Angela Harris. At paralegal, from DeVry, Stacy Neilsen, At Junior Partner, from Fordham, Derek Waldmann, (you get the idea). Productivity would be way, way up!a

—Dan Barch (Henderson, Nev.)

You left out doing a hockey-style line change. We have low cubes where I work, and I keep expecting first shift to scramble over the wall on the way out, and second shift to shuffle in through the narrow gap.

—Steven Rose (Winston Salem)

Employees should be required to wear black bands on their sleeves every time a copier or fax machine dies.

—Jeff (Cleveland)

A mascot wouldn't hurt either. I'd be hyped for the day if I was about to ride the escalator up and some fuzzy animal came sliding down on a sled with streamers on each side.

—Joe (Indianapolis)

If your company has four good quarters, have your two biggest employees grab the water cooler and sneak up behind the CEO for a nice little Poland Spring Water Bath.

—Sean (Philadelphia)

And as to my promise that once we get unemployment under five percent, I'll buy anybody a shot who sees me in a bar, as long as it's in the first 24 seconds (hey, I've got a shot clock, too), there was this:

Do college students have 35 seconds?

—Tom S (Upper Conway/Lower Aynor, S.C.)

See all of Rick Reilly's People Much Better Than Me More random mind dumps from the brain of Rick Reilly. Go fish! Be sure to check out Rick's Life of Reilly