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Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Epilogues


Many of my genius readers capital-s Scoffed at my Lamest Ace, the one that I finally made after 694 tries over two days on a tiny par 3 course outside Denver. Many of them said it was illegitimate, unsanctioned, even "desperate."

To which I say, "And what's your point exactly?"

Here's a smattering of those who wanted to rub it in:

Looks like the hole-in-one bar has been set a little higher. Former Pirate pitcher Steve Blass had two in one round the other day (Thursday, Sept. 10 at Greensburg Country Club in Greensburg, Pa.) Grab your son and head back to the pitch and putt.

-- Adam (Pittsburgh)

How can a guy who couldn't get it over the plate from 60'6'' suddenly not miss from 500?

My friend, Dan Johnson, was playing in a tournament and a red convertible Mustang was the prize for a hole in one. He took his clubs off the cart and put them in the trunk of the 'Stang, saying, "Just want to make sure they fit." And they did and he won the car. And guess what, I won a car, too! Took the cash instead and I think I have paid for my golfing for many years to come.

-- Louisa Piper (Salt Lake City)

Sorry, don't believe it. Need proof. No way. Funny move, though, fitting the clubs in the trunk beforehand. Worth stealing.

I was not playing too well so I bet my friend that I could play in something like two over par with only a putter the rest of the round. Well, I lost the bet, but on the second hole with the putter I made my ace. Years of golfing and my ace comes with a putter!

-- Jeff Sommerville (Alma, Mich.)

That is not an ace. That's a long putt. Still, I'd count it.

I took my girlfriend out for the first time a few years ago to the local pitch-and-putt. Her third time out, she aced the 62-yard 2nd. Her seventh time out, she holed the 85-yard 9th. I'm pretty sure she hasn't played since. Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for my first. We're married now, so maybe she can finally teach me.

--Max Waugh (Seattle)

This is grounds for divorce. Cruel and unusual punishment.

On Firestone's North Course, par 3 No. 8, my playing partner hit his tee shot right to a hole bordered by a large oak and cart path on one side and water on the other. The ball hit the cart path, went up in the tree, rattled around, came down hitting the curb of the cart path and shot across the green and hit the flagstick squarely and fell into the hole. True story. They don't ask you how, they ask you how many.

-- Terry Menges (Dover, Ohio)

Lot of guys don't have that shot.

When is a hole-in-one actually a par? At St. Andrews in Scotland! My brother-in-law was on a Par 3, which shared a green with another hole. He hit his shot, pulled it left and promptly sunk it in the hole where some fellas were finishing their hole. They watched it come down a hill and cheered as it went in!! According to St. Andrews it had never happened before and they didn't know what to do. They finally decided to give him a par.

-- Clarke Miller (Annapolis)

By rule, he should've treated the "wrong" hole as an obstruction and taken a free drop. He should've pulled the ball out of the cup, dropped it no closer to the (actual) hole and putted. If he'd two-putted, THAT would have been a par. Me, I'd just tell people I knocked it in the hole in one shot and leave the details out. Then again, I'm desperate.

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