M.I. Evil? still looking for first win

Originally Published: October 16, 2009

By Jim Wilkie | ESPN.com

The bad news for M.I. Evil? Yes I Am was a tough nine-point loss to Scott Ian's Mean Machine in Week 5 that kept Mike Inez's squad the only winless team in the Alice in Chains & Friends Charity Fantasy Football League.

The good news is M.I. Evil? Yes I Am this week gets to face 1-4 Team Berry, which seems to draw out the best results in opponents with a league-high 529 points against this season.

Meanwhile at the upper end of the standings, Zakk Wylde Doom Crew Inc. (5-0) continued to roll with an 86-53 victory over Kenny Aronoff's Team 9 (1-4), prompting Wylde to ask "Kenny Aronoff are you even here?" on the league message board on Monday.

But Kenny Wayne Shepherd's KWS Domination is targeting Wylde's Gibson Signature Bullseye and has plans to close the gap on the Doom Crew: "This season has been interesting for sure. I've been watching everyone and let's just say I have my sights set on someone … I won't mention any names …"

Here are some other posts, with links to photos, taken from the league's message board:

Zakk Wylde Doom Crew Inc.
Re: MEET ZAKK WYLDE … i think
Posted: Oct 12, 12:51 PM
… In Fantasy Football, it's a long season, injuries happen and some injuries can take the No. 1 team down. … Hopefully it doesn't happen to us!!!!!!! So till then … all of you suckers can s--- it!!!!!! And believe you me -- I see you in the rearview KWS Domination, you have a strong team. Hopefully injuries riddle your team soon. Skank, my brother from another mother I wish you put Winslow in there, just to smack around the rookie you played a lil bit. … Matt Willig … Gore is hurt! T.O. and McGahee didn't show up, but they will have strong contests in weeks ahead!!! My brother Duff -- Matt Ryan had a great game against 49ers defense adn C. Johnson and Pierre Garcon scored zero points for you!!!! Team Berry you do not bench Wes Welker for D. Mason!!! Vinny Paul … Cowboys suck, hate em, hate em!!!! Kenny Aronoff Are you even here?

Scott Ian I'm sure you have a little pep in you step after yesterday strong showing. Just watch where you step fella!!! I'm sure some of you will be hard at work come waiver wire time. … I'll be in New Orleans this weekend watching my beloved New York Football Giants!!!! Till then look forward to Week 6.

JC Aroma of Tacoma
Re: MEET ZAKK WYLDE …. i think
Posted: Oct 12, 5:33 PM
That's more like it!!!!!! now I'm feeling my brother. Giants look good , Seahawks finally woke up and the Steelers barely beat the lowly Lions. Pretty good week overall. in spite of my team's weak showing so far I plan on throwing some wrenches in the works for some of you fellas. May the best man win … later Zakk. Be well
Father Cantrell

JC Aroma of Tacoma
FAVREAGGEDDON
Posted: Oct 13, 4:00 AM
All right you monkeys, I'm dropping Favre to the wire this week so you have two days to make me an offer for a decent QB, otherwise you can take your chances on trying to pick him up. ANYONE OUT THERE ?!?!?!?.

Scott Ian Mean Machine
Romo?
Posted: Oct 13, 6:55 PM
Just looking for a No. 2 receiver.

JC Aroma of Tacoma
SOGGY BERRY
Posted: Oct 13, 8:40 PM
Somehow I'm the only one not to knock off Berry this year. Gotta say I'm very proud of you boys. You've been sitting in warm milk for too long Matthew … gettin a little soft. Keep it up fellas.

Tim Mosenfelder/Getty ImagesCan Scott Ian tell what time it is on Flava Flav's clock?

JC Aroma of Tacoma
ARONOFF WORKOUT
Posted: Oct 13, 8:47 PM
Hey Kenny you may want to pull this DVD off the shelf and put some time in, YOU'RE LOSING YOUR CHOPS. get in the game mang , put some petite marshmallows in your Swiss miss cocoa and get to work

JC Aroma of Tacoma
2 LIVE IAN
Posted: Oct 13, 9:02 PM
Scott is enlisting the help of a few friends this week to take down Vinnie … by Flava Flav's clock it's time to step it up.

JC Aroma of Tacoma
TORTOISE AND THE HARE
Posted: Oct 13, 9:30 PM
LOOKS LIKE A SURE FIRE WIN AGAINST ARONOFF THIS WEEK BUT WATCH OUT THE SLUG MIGHT SURPRISE YA.

JC Aroma of Tacoma
BACK TO THE FUTURE Posted: Oct 13, 10:53 PM
TAKING YOU BACK TO SCHOOL THIS WEEK MATT … OH YEAH

Calabasas Clueless
Re: BACK TO THE FUTURE
Posted: Oct 14, 4:06 PM
THAT'S NOT ME!!!!

That looks like a fat kid from the short bus down the road. If you look closely in the folds of my face, you can see the bacon, sausage hashbrowns and two orders of chocolate chip pancakes I ate for breakfast at IHOP that morning. OH YEAH, that's how I used to roll!!!

JC Aroma of Tacoma
INEZ DISOWNS THE RAIDERS
Posted: Oct 13, 10:56 PM
Mike is so depressed about his beloved Raiders he has officially picked another team to root for, GO HAWKS!!!! It's a fact Mike: Your Raiders stink, unfortunately they have a better record than you this year. You might want to call AL DAVIS up and ask him how he got that win … could work?!?!

M.I. Evil? Yes I Am
Re: INEZ DISOWNS THE RAIDERS
Posted: Oct 15, 4:45 AM
That piece of s--- jersey burned my skin when I wore it!!

Team THE BRICKWALL
Re: INEZ DISOWNS THE RAIDERS
Posted: Oct 15, 3:58 PM
This is real comedy!!!!!

Each participant in the Alice in Chains & Friends Charity Fantasy Football League will put up one valuable item for auction by the end of the season. The league champion will designate which charity receives the auction's proceeds. More details on the auction will be announced in the coming weeks.

Weekly updates on the Alice in Chains & Friends Charity Fantasy Football League, trash talk and interviews with the owners will be published on ESPN.com's The Life section throughout the season. Members of the league also will drop by SportsNation for occasional chats.

Here are the standings after Week 5, with a look ahead to this weekend's matchups (mouse over the photos for bios of the participants):

Alice in Chains & Friends Charity Fantasy Football League Standings

Rk	Player	Team	W	L	T	PF	PA	GB
1.	Zakk Wylde	Zakk Wylde Doom Crew Inc.	5	0	0	488	319	--
Last week: Defeated Team 9, 86-53 Next up: Team McKagan D (2-3) Zakk Wylde Doom Crew Inc. dodged a bullet with fortunate scheduling against Team 9 as five players on Kenny Aronoff's bench scored more points (60) than all of his starters last week.
2.	Kenny Wayne Shepherd	The KWS Domination	4	1	0	526	382	1
Last week: Defeated JC Aroma of Tacoma, 118-58 Next up: Team 9 (1-4) KWS Domination is still the highest-scoring team in the league with 526 points or an average of 105.2 per week and it got double-digit performances from six of nine positions last week. But Shepherd has four top-10 ranked players on a bye week, which explains why the Fantasy Football computers are favoring Kenny Aronoff's squad by six points. The NFL's marquee Giants-Saints game also plays big as KWS has Giants quarterback Eli Manning, Saints kicker John Carney and the Saints defense while Team 9 has Saints quarterback Drew Brees.
3.	Vinnie Paul	Team The Brickwall	4	1	0	420	421	1
Last week: Defeated Team Berry, 101-79 Next up: Scott Ian Mean Machine (3-2) Dallas fan Paul will be Cowboy down as Team The Brickwall's running backs Marion Barber and Tashard Choice and tight end Jason Witten have a bye week along with the Colts defense. Mean Machine is a slim three-point favorite. The Brickwall picked up Patriots tight end Benjamin Watson, who is questionable with a head injury, to fill in for Witten.
4.	Matt Willig	Calabasas Clueless	3	2	0	471	452	2
Last week: Defeated Team McKagan D, 75-56 Next up: JC Aroma of Tacoma (2-3) Calabasas Clueless inserted two pickups into his starting lineup: Vikings running back Chester Taylor and Lions wide receiver Dennis Northcutt. Even though Clueless is a 35-point underdog to Aroma of Tacoma, "Year One" was No. 2 in DVD sales and No. 1 in DVD rentals and Blu-ray rentals this past week.
5.	Scott Ian	Scott Ian Mean Machine	3	2	0	448	482	2
Last week: Defeated M.I. Evil? Yes I Am, 105-96 Next up: Team The Brickwall (4-1) Trying to replicate last week's timely pick-up of Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck (27 points in Week 5), Mean Machine was busy scouring the waiver wire and free agency this week by adding Lions receiver Bryant Johnson, Broncos receiver Eddie Royal, Packers kicker Mason Crosby, Cardinals running back Beanie Wells, Jets running back Leon Washington and the Patriots defense. In the process, Ian also picked up and dropped Buccaneers receiver Antonio Bryant twice -- so far. Any doubts about how seriously he's taking this?
6.	Jerry Cantrell	JC Aroma of Tacoma	2	3	0	406	407	3
Last week: Lost to KWS Domination, 118-58 Next up: Calabasas Clueless (3-2) Not to be outdone by Willig in the chart territory, Alice in Chains' "Black Gives Way to Blue" was No. 12 on the Billboard 200, down from its debut at No. 5 the week before. ESPN.com's Fantasy Football computer likes the Aroma in six of nine categories against Clueless, however. Besides dropping Vikings quarterback Brett Favre, Cantrell picked up Chargers kicker Nate Kaeding, Colts receiver Austin Collie and Browns running back Jamal Lewis this week.
7.	Duff McKagan	Team McKagan D	2	3	0	383	418	3
Last week: Lost to Calabasas Clueless, 75-56 Next up: Zakk Wylde Doom Crew Inc. (5-0) Team McKagan D was also busy making moves in the past week to pull off the upset of the Doom Crew. McKagan dropped Bills quarterback Trent Edwards to pick up Broncos quarterback Kyle Orton, dumped Raiders running back Michael Bush to claim Eagles receiver Jeremy Maclin, dropped Colts receiver Pierre Garcon to pick up Cowboys receiver Miles Austin and waived Broncos receiver Brandon Stokley to grab Vikings receiver Percy Harvin.
8.	Matthew Berry	Team Berry	1	4	0	426	529	4
Last week: Lost to Team The Brickwall, 101-79 Next up: M.I. Evil? Yes I Am (0-5) ESPN.com Fantasy Football computers don't like the Talented Mr. Roto's chances this week. Winless M.I. Evil? Yes I Am is a 33-point favorite and favored in seven of nine categories (although, as of early Friday, Team Berry still hasn't yet benched two bye-week players).
9.	Kenny Aronoff	Team 9	1	4	0	367	414	4
Last week: Lost to Zakk Wylde Doom Crew Inc., 86-53 Next up: KWS Domination (4-1) Oops, Saints quarterback Drew Brees started despite his bye week, leaving Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel's 20 points on the bench along with Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall's 18 points that could have knocked off Doom Crew Inc. Team 9 is now the lowest-scoring team in the league with just 367 or an average of 73.4 per week.
10.	Mike Inez	M.I. Evil? Yes I Am	0	5	0	382	493	5
Last week: Lost to Scott Ian Mean Machine, 105-96 Next up: Team Berry (1-4) M.I. Evil? Yes I am would have beat the Mean Machine had it started Buccaneers tight end Kellen Winslow (22 points) over Jets tight end Dustin Keller (zero). Inez picked up J.C. Aroma of Tacoma's scraps and added Brett Favre to his roster. but the Vikings quarterback, who plays the Ravens, surely won't be activated over Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger against the awful Browns.