What's more fun than continuing to collect all the mistakes, gaffes and outright idiocies athletes have tattooed on their bodies? Links to the pictures!

What about Greg Ostertag's Fred Flintstone on his calf?

--ssmuin

LaDainian Tomlinson has the misspelled "INSPERATION" on his arm. Sigh.

--Mike (San Diego)

You could've mentioned David Bey, a former heavyweight boxer who had his own name spelled incorrectly on his arm.

--Scott Shaffer (NYC)

I never understood "Big Dady" as written on former Oklahoma State basketball player, Jason Keep. Maybe that was intentional.

--James Kerr (Edmond, Okla.)

Bobby Maze, starting point guard for the Tennessee Vols, has a tattoo on his leg that reads "Stuggles Made Me," instead of "Struggles Made Me." Which leads everyone to ask: Who's Stuggles?

--Jeremy (Knoxville)

I am a tattoo artist in the Phoenix valley area and I can honestly say that athletes' tattoos are a never-ending source of entertainment for us. One would think with the millions of dollars they make, they could afford better work. At the end of the day, I get a good chuckle and make a little extra money on the cover-ups I eventually do on all of the kids that decide to copy these athletes.

-- William Allen (Chandler, Ariz.)

Former Boston College RB Josh Haden tattooed the BC logo onto his right pec -- before he decided to transfer.

--Tom White (Farmingdale, N.Y.)

The fastest player in USC football history (Sultan McCullough) has a woman's name tattooed on his chest in letters four inches high: MABLE. Never mind that his mother spells her name Mabel.

--Eli Karon (Los Angeles)

Editor's note: What do you think you're reading now?

If Matt Barkley is getting paid, why is he riding a bike everywhere?

Response to the column about the death of tailgating has been spilling out the office windows and onto the sidewalks. Turns out tailgaters of all sports are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore.

I'll say it again. Get out of your lawn chairs and stop the madness! Fans need "Tailgating is Not a Crime" T-shirts. Fans need organized protests. Mostly, fans need to send protest letters to team presidents and university officials with limburger cheese inside. Believe me, they'll relent.

You overlooked arguably the biggest football school in the state of Michigan. While the crackdown on tailgating isn't happening in surrounding parking lots, the city of Ann Arbor has been attempting to silence and contain the pregame festivities at several houses that lead up to the stadium which have long been a part of the pregame tradition. Students are fighting back though, as protests have been organized recently. We will not go quietly!

-- Alex Moyer (Ann Arbor, Mich.)

Citi Field, Mets. Five friends and I met for the weekend to attend a Yankee and a Met game. Pulled into parking lot at 5:30 p.m. going to have one beer and go into check out the stadium. We are all 40-plus and had my white Mini Van. Two sips. Undercover (cop) comes by and asks for IDs. (Said) we didn't have cups to pour cans into so we were cited for open container in parking lot. We offered to dump the beer but were told too late. Five $25 citations that took 45 minutes to write. Was told no open flames or cooking, open containers, scalping (right) or no having fun (made that one up). Welome to Citi Field -- empty, bad team, undercover pompus rent-a-jerks.

-- Doug Jones (Sauquoit, N.Y.)

Amen! I was recently at the Colorado-Kansas game, and we've been going to the same tailgating spot (in Boulder) on the top of the parking garage by the engineering building for 10 years. Sure enough, (there were) cops threatening to give tickets to anyone tailgating! They instructed us to a parking lot NEXT to the parking garage for tailgating. A parking lot that requires a parking permit, not paid parking. Friggin pinko commies.

-- Jeff Fawcett (Denver/Colorado)

(Harvard) banned U-Hauls and anything similar (including fun) from Yale-Harvard games around 7-9 yrs ago.

-- Randy (NYC)

I am a student at Western Michigan University. This weekend was our biggest football game of the year -- Central Michigan. At 3 p.m. sharp, police stormed the parking lot demanding everybody leave. We barely had time to pack up our car before police on horseback came and herded us out of the parking lot like livestock. I understand what they are trying to do with this 3-hour time limit, but they have to understand that they are failing. Anyone can see this is done to prevent excessive drinking. However, by setting the allowable time to begin tailgating at 3 hours before the game and then kicking us out promptly at kickoff, all they are doing is setting up a shot clock (pun intended). Suddenly students are drinking against the clock. Isn't binge drinking exactly what these universities should be trying to prevent?

-- Jay (Kalamazoo, Mich.)

Try tailgating at Coors Field for the World Series. Arrived two hours early in our season ticket parking lot, parked, got out, opened beers, lit cigars. Within five minutes, told to stop by roaming parking lot tailgating police. Thanks Mr. Coors for not allowing 30 minutes of celebration for years of suffering.

-- Marv Spyker (Frisco, Colo.)

Opening Day at Citizens Bank Stadium. Me and my friends go down early to tailgate but the lot we were in was not allowed to tailgate and was punishable by a fine of 50 bucks! If we got there early we were not allowed to sit outside the car and listen to music and eat and drink.

-- Andrew (Philadelphia, Pa.)

Hey Rick, Looks like the Titans will be 0-7 since disrespecting the Terrible Towel. Never under estimate the power of the towel. --Mike (Pittsburgh)

That's nothing. The Denver Broncos are 5-0 since I disrespected them. They're 5-0 since I said Josh McDaniels made one of the worst trades in NFL history. They're 5-0 since I called McDaniels "Boy Blunder."

I still think the trade was lousy. Chicago -- with the Broncos' ex-QB, Jay Cutler -- is seventh in scoring. The Broncos are 22nd. But Kyle Orton has been far better than I thought he'd be. He's been smart, calm and judicious with the football (7 TDs, 1 INT).

What I didn't know is that McDaniels and new defensive coordinator Mike Nolan had put together a nasty, miserly, veteran-led defense that is absolutely hell to run against and nearly as hard to pass against. Denver is not just No. 1 in the NFL in fewest points given up, they are No. 1 by nearly six points per game! Do you realize they're on pace to become just the fifth NFL team in history to give up less than 10 points per game?

I was wrong. The kid can coach. He's been nothing short of a 5-8 coaching Godzilla. The Broncos have won three of their five by coming from behind in the second half. That's just pure coaching.

As penance, I will wear those horrible striped socks the rest of the season.

OK, that was a joke.

Really.

My attempt at a New York Times-style review of Chad Ochocinco's new book "Ocho Cinco" unlocked a boatload of contempt for the Bengals' wide receiver. Letters ran about ochenta y cinco against the man.

Thank you for your review of Ochocinco's autobiography. You forgot to mention if they included a free set of crayons with it!

-- Nick (Sugar Land, Texas)

I found the part in the article about him wanting to make condoms rather funny for someone that has four kids by three different women.

-- Mario Reasby (Las Vegas)

I long for the day when "Strange But True Hockey Stories" was considered exciting.

-- Michael Thompson (Stamford, Conn.)

I would not have him on my team even if the only other choice was a 90 year-old man with a colostomy bag.

-- Dennis (N.C.)

Everything anybody ever needs to read about Chad Ochocinco is on the back of his jersey, which features only two readable items and yet manages to be redundant.

-- Robert Black (Providence)

My unbridled criticism of Michael Jordan's graceless Hall of Fame speech drew hundreds of emails, which ran about 60-40 in agreement. And zero percent of them were ambivalent.

How do you sleep at night after bashing one of the greatest sports figures of all time?

-- Andrew Blan (Sacramento)

Most uncomfortable speech I have ever watched.

-- Chris (King of Prussia, Pa.)

As the Bible says: "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?"

-- James (Papillion, Neb.)

Jordan's speech was merely a look into the inspiration of what drove him. He wanted to prove people wrong, and he did that. To perceive this as rude is asinine. He merely was showing what drove him to be the greatest to ever lace them up.

-- Pat (Boston)

Think of all of the games you watched of Michael Jordan that brought you joy. If his personality wasn't like it is, he would have been forgetable on the court. I still wanna be like Mike.

-- Joe Salvador (Fort Collins, Colo.)

I now view him as an extremely athletic jerk.

-- Tyler Ommen (Sioux City, Iowa)

Please stop villifying athletes. It gives people the impression that you were the guy who got picked last for pick up games.

-- Harman Hall (Marietta, Ga.)

I loved and hated the article you wrote on Jordan's HOF speech. It's very well written, and unfortunatley spot on. That's the part I hated, you being right. The speech was a slap in the face to the sport, the players and all the fans.

-- Dave (Salt Lake City)

Here's what you and a lot of other selfish people don't seem to understand, Rick. Michael Jordan's HOF induction speech is not for you. It's not for Dean Smith. It's not for the Chicago Bulls. It's not for the Hall of Fame. It's for him. He's spent his entire career being humble, biting his tongue, saying the right thing. That speech was for HIM and him alone.

-- Quentin (Cambridge, Mass.)

Turns out the Little League in Staten Island, N.Y., isn't the only one that's been plagued by over-reactive parents. To wit:

I've coached youth baseball for eight years. I actually had a mom threaten to sue me because our catcher bumped into her son when he crossed home. She said her son had injured his spine in a car wreck, and if he got hit just right, he could be paralyzed. The only thing I could say was "Why the heck is he out here?" Good thing it wasn't Ms. Gonzalez. -- Bart Trickey (Conway, Ark.)

In the spring of 2008, a parent from my local (Worcester, Mass.) Little League telephoned on the eve of opening day to declare that I should be expelled from coaching because I dared allow teams in my league to be called Yankees. The caller's two sons were placed on a team called Yankees and was I not sensitive to the scorn, ridicule and abuse his and other children were surely to endure. The parent stated that neither he nor his sons would ever have anything to do with our program and that I would be on report to Little League International headquarters. My reply? "I'm sorry you're denying your sons a chance to play a game they enjoy." How sad when the behavior of adults drops to infantile levels. -- Paul Richard (Worcester, Mass)

I have a better idea than strapping (Ms. Gonzalez) to the shuttle and sending her to space. I think you should set her up with Alfred G. Rava. I figure those two might end up suing the pants off each other and then they'd both be out of our hair. -- Blake Byrne (Seattle)

The column on Tiger Woods abusing both his clubs and the ears of people near him at the British Open got more reaction than any column I've written at ESPN. Opinion was mixed, but never vague.

I got this firsthand working for NBC Sports. What an ass he was to me! He deliberately told the bluest stories, F-bombing by each step ... I finally told his security: "If at the sixth tee I hear another F-bomb or hooker story out of his potty mouth, I am going to scream during his tee shot at the next hole." I never heard another rotten peep out of him. Steve Williams earns every penny. I would be embarrassed to be his wife and kids. But I have had wonderful days working on golf, because the crews are some of the best in the businesses of sports broadcasting, and many of the players are warm and kind, even while they play at the highest level in golf.

-- Susan Chrysler, Xenia, Ohio

What if that is what makes him great? I play at a club and have witnessed good players having horrible days -- yet when they melt down and throw clubs around, I've seen their game come around, too. I know for me if I quietly seethe, I suck. Maybe that's how he cleanses his mind. I kind of like knowing that this super-human isn't.

-- Tom Beck (Campbell, Calif.)

As the recipient of the business end of a thrown putter (head-first into my ribs from 30 feet and still knocked me down), I can attest to the absolute idiocy of that kind of behavior. I am a huge fan of Tiger, but his bad temper has always been a disappointment to me. It has to do with having class, and that comes with proper perspective. He has it in all other public endeavors. I am sure he will figure this out and maybe it won't take a multi-million dollar damage suit for him to do it.

-- R. Ready (Napa, Calif.)

From the golf equipment world, I want to say thanks for saying what we see every week.

-- Jay Johnson (Greensboro, Ga.)

You will never change certain things about certain people. Tiger might be a tad spoiled. Sure, no one has ever, since Earl, had the "cojones" to tell him what's what. That being said, this is Tiger. His drive comes from his fire. He expects perfection, and when he doesn't achieve it, he has one of his mini-explosions. Is it OK? Probably not. But this is who he is. Like it or not, he wears his emotions front and center.

-- Stuart Davis (Palm Desert, Calif.)

Someone really needs to bring up the idea of a "Curse Jar" for Tiger. Every individual curse word (aloud or under his breath) while golfing costs Tiger $100. Banging a club on the ground costs $250, throwing a club costs $500, etc. At the end of every month he could write a check to some charity for that amount. I think he'd hit $50K a month and realize just how much he does swear. That might help him rein it in all on his own.

-- Mike (Fort Worth, Texas)

Give it a rest, Rick. One day we hear that "Tiger doesn't have enough personality," the next we chide him for showing emotions. True golfers appreciate a player who doesn't giggle and say "oops" after a foozled shot. It means you care -- it actually means you respect the game. If it didn't matter, if it didn't drive you crazy, it wouldn't be golf -- even for Tiger.

-- Adam (Philadelphia)

[My] only disagreement is calling him the world's "most beloved athlete." Not in this household of golfers. We would rather watch anyone but Tiger play and we would rather see anyone win but Tiger. His lack of respect for the GENTLEMEN who have preceded him as well as for the game's honor overshadows his abilities.

-- LFern (Shelby, N.C.)

I'm a 14 handicap. I'd be willing to play a $10K nassau against Ricky Barnes at the golf course of his choice. There is one condition … We play a game of scrabble for double or nothing after the golf.

--Kade (Huntington Beach, Calif.)

OK, that's just so wrong.

Turns out the Central Lakes College softball team isn't the only one that's been pencil-whipped by a dumb interpretation of the rules. Check out these emails:

Nearly the same thing happened to our team in the Arkansas State Little League Championship Semi-Finals in 1987. Situation: We were playing the defending state champs, bottom of the seventh, I'm on first. It's 1-0, two outs, a 3-2 count, our best hitter up to bat. The opposing coach, who was in a full upper body cast, had been yelling at the umps the entire game. Our guy hits a home run and we give him fives right before he reaches home plate. Their coach and players get in the ump's face and scream that it should be an out. He just shrugs and says "Nope. Home run, game over. Good luck."

-Matt Straughn (Glenn Dale, Md.)

Rick, Just read your story about the softball team winning on a technicality. Instantly reminded me of a friend of mine back in high school about 10 years ago. My friend Darren was at a weightlifting competition and had placed a good enough score in the clean and jerk to go to the state championship in his weight class. Later in the competition he had a weight dropped on his foot and cursed (who wouldn't?). A passing coach who heard him immediately turned him in to the officials, as there was a no cursing rule. He was dq'd from the competition and wasn't allowed to go to state. Oh, and it was one of his own assistant coaches. He promptly quit the weightlifting team. Way to go coach.

-Allen DeLaney (Gainesville, Fla.)

My daughter's cross-country team was DQ'd from going to the state tourney because they had a shirt on under their regular jerseys that wasn't a solid color. The guy running the show knew it long before their race but didn't say anything until after the race when he came up and told them. Same kind of STUPID little rule that shouldn't even be in the books and no one had ever heard of before.

-Dan Kiel (Zeeland Mich.)

A brilliant young eighth grade science student at my school once had his science fair project disqualified because he used the wrong size science board to display his project! I got physically sick. I felt the same way reading your article about this softball coach. Thanks for pointing out this stupid rule and the coach who used it to steal the home run. Shame on her!

-Mary Lane (Columbia, Tenn.)

Reaction was swift and terrible to my column about Al Rava, the lawyer who sued the Oakland A's because he wasn't given one of 7,500 hats as part of a Mother's Day/Breast Cancer Awareness promotion in 2004. Everybody seemed to have their own ideas for what Rava should get for his trouble.

Give Rava his hat. And the coupon. BUT … every female who was at the game has the opportunity to bean Rava in the head with a special pink bat. Which the ladies may then keep.

-- R. Deans (D.C.)

10 rounds with Manny Pacquiao. And if he goes all 10, [he] gets a free floppy sun hat.

-- Todd (Mesa, Ariz.)

(Men should ) claim that money, all of it. BUT: 1) Give the $25 Macy's Card to their mom; 2) Give the tickets to their mom and tell her to have a "girls night out" with one of her friends; 3) Use the $50 in cash to buy as many hot dogs, candy bars, burgers, sodas and peanuts to make the game as fun as can be. Now wouldn't that get under Mr. Rava's skin? All of his "hard work" going straight back to the women and their families!

-- Nate Warner (Olathe, Kan.)

Guys should line up and collect the $50 and the coupons, too, and then donate everything to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

-- Jim McCann (Cambridge, Mass.)

If you actually happen to be one of the people who was at the game that day and want to claim your share of Rava's suit, the number is (888) 428-6571.

I vote we find an OBGYN who would give him a male-modified full work up that woman experience as a yearly check up. Maybe we could even have the Doc wear a "fishing" hat while on the expedition.

-- Sam DeLuca (Philadelphia, Pa.)

Emailed Kobe Bryant to get his post-mortem on the Kobe-LeBron puppet ads, since nobody seems to have asked him.

Q: How do your girls (ages 6 and 3) like the puppets?
Bryant: They think they r hilarious!
Q: You think your puppet looks like you?
Bryant: No, more like The Count from Sesame Street.
Q: Do you get to keep the puppet when the season is over?
Bryant: No.

Now that I think about it, The Count and the real Kobe Bryant are a lot alike. Like The Count, Bryant is generally only seen at night. And both can be very cold-blooded, especially in the fourth quarter. Plus, both are very interested in counting.

One ring! Two rings! Three rings! Four rings?

I was just wondering if you are surprised that Zach Johnson continues his stellar play on tour this season and even over the course of the two years since he won the Masters. I believe that you mentioned on the Dan Patrick Show after Johnson won the Masters that Johnson would be bussing at an Applebee's in a year. I think based on what he has accomplished since his Masters victory, that he deserves a little more respect. By the way, Zach is currently first in FedEx Cup points and third on the money list. I bet you didn't see that happening.

--Brad Temple

For your information, I never said that. What I said was, "I think Zach Johnson -- in 10 years -- has a real chance to be your server at Olive Garden." I was wrong. On the continuum between Ben Curtis and Ben Hogan, he's headed way more towards Hogan. He's now won six times and has one more major than Sergio Garcia, Anthony Kim, Colin Montgomerie, Stephen Ames and Adam Scott, combined. So I'd like to rephrase my statement: "I think Zach Johnson -- in 10 years -- has a real chance to be the owner of the Olive Garden restaurant chain. And if I don't shut up, I'll be working for him."

Re: Rachel Alexandra

I disagree that thoroughbreds are born to "race." True, they are born to "run" … the "racing" part is all "human" inspired. I don't think they are born to be whipped, and/or drugged, in order to force them to run on fractured legs, and well past their natural tendencies. Again, all for our enjoyment. Whooopeee!!! I am disappointed that Rachel Alexandra was sold to the rich Mr. Jackson, who, above all else, seems to simply want to inject a little excitement into the sport. So what if Rachel Alexandra is never the same afterwards, or worse yet, has to be euthanized. I thought we finally had a couple of horse owners with integrity, who had the health of their horse in mind, but they sold her to the highest bidder. Just great!!! What I'd really like to see is Mr. Jackson run 1 3/16 mile with a jockey on his back, and when Mr. Jackson is so tired he wants to collapse, have the jockey whip the hell out of him until he actually does collapse.

You're wrong on every count.

1) Thoroughbreds will race each other across a pasture, a field, a meadow with no humans around. It's their nature to want to finish ahead of the other horses.

2) No horse I've ever heard about has been forced to run on fractured legs. Any trainer or owner who did that would be banned from racing forever.

3) Why would the mere act of running Rachel Alexandra in a horse race leave her ruined? Would you say the same of a bloodhound following a trail? It's installed in their genes, as natural as a bird in flight.

4) As amusing as it would be to see an owner carry a jockey on his back for 1 3/16th miles, it's a Jell-O-brained comparison. The average thoroughbred is 1,000 pounds, the average jockey is 112 pounds. So that's the equivalent of an extremely fit 130-pound athlete carrying a 15-pound backpack. Not exactly murder.

May I suggest not believing everything you read in the PETA newsletters?

Re: Kommuting with Kobe

What was so exhausting about the day? All he did was wake up, work out for one hour, go to a light shooting practice for two hours, stay in a high-end, downtown LA hotel suite for free where he had catered food, a nap, and DVDs playing, then went to the game and shot 33%. Oh and he probably earned over $80K pro-rated for this one day's work. Bless me with his talent and I'm doing the same thing. You want to know a hard day's work? Follow around some poor bastard working two jobs for crap money and no perks while trying to support a young family in a poor neighborhood. Let me tell you something Reilly, you'll never catch me marveling at Kobe's drive and work ethic in comparison to a guy like that. It's insulting.

Joe,
Let me get this straight. The guy is up at six, isn't home until 11, puts in a 17-hour day (not subtracting the nap) and somehow you're insulted because he makes big money? Don't you see that's the point? He makes ridonkulous money, more than enough to retire on long ago, and yet he's still busting his butt because he feels an obligation to his legacy, his teammates and his fans. This is a guy who's already won three rings. Do you know how many supremely talented athletes sleep in until the shootaround, play Madden after and go through the motions during the game? Gobs of them. I feel for somebody working two jobs, too, but what do you want Bryant to do, mop the floors at Sears at night so you feel better? Grow up.

Mr. Reilly,
I'm an aspiring sports journalist. I've been writing for a local paper for the past two and a half years, mostly covering my school's teams. This fall, our football team, which advanced to the state finals the year before, struggled, and I criticized the quarterback. The kid is my age, and I certainly would not like a classmate writing negatively about me. However, he doesn't just dislike me now—he accuses me of having such an effect on his mental game that I shortened their season. You've always been outspoken about certain individuals (Barry Bonds and Bob Huggins come to my mind). How do you cope with the knowledge that there are people that absolutely despise you, and how do you summon the courage to interview people you've previously criticized? Thank you very much.

It depends on how you did it. There's a difference between saying, "Milo Putz's arm this season seemed to be made of overcooked fettucini and his feet of Ready-Mix cement," and saying, "Milo Putz ought to be shot, quartered and then hung." Were you personal? Because no high school player deserves a personal attack. But if you kept your criticisms of the QB to what he did on the field, how he played, then he needs to either grow a thicker skin or back off and let somebody else lead. But, yes, he gets to hate you either way. And you still have to go up to him and try to get the day's story. That's part of this business. You criticize the people you cover. The people you cover get to criticize you. But no matter what, you have to keep writing in the most honest and fair way you can.

Rick,
I need your help. I am trying to get baseball to do the right thing about this whole steroids era and I can't seem to get my idea off the ground. All I want baseball to do is what the Olympics do. If you get caught using performance enhancing drugs or are proven to have used drugs in the past, your records are expunged. Simple, easy, peasey. All baseball has to do is the same thing with stats. If a player is found to have used a performance enhancing drug, his stats for that year would be expunged from the record books. The evidence for use would only have to satisfy the commissioner, none of this proved-beyond-a-reasonable-doubt stuff. All of the appropriate records would go to the men who deserved them, 61 would mean 61 and everybody would know it. Not only that, but the sports writers would be off the hook for the Hall of Fame voting. Barry Bonds' numbers before the clear were good enough to get him in the Hall of Fame, so the writers could vote for him with a clear conscience. It would also make it easier for the big names to come forward knowing their Hall of Fame chances weren't completely in the sewer if they admitted to use. There you go, problem solved.

C'mon, that's so simple and easy that nobody would … wait. Actually, that makes truckloads of sense. I don't know why people haven't thought of it before. Lorne Dakin, you're a genius. I'm emailing this to Bud Selig. Today. Which is why it'll never work.

(Re: Column on Matt Steven, blind free-throw shooter)

Dear Mr. Reilly:
Changing the rules to accommodate a blind person is in fact counterproductive to the aim of many blind folks. That aim is to be treated normally. I may be naive to the rules of CYO basketball, but I've never heard of "designated foul shot throwers" anywhere, so this special consideration for Matt seems to fly in the face of being "normal." I am blind myself, was a high school and college athlete as a 1-meter springboard diver and finished 7th in the State of Connecticut in the Class M championships in 1980, so I appreciate Matt's passion for sports. I'm just making you and the readers aware of a different spin on this feel-good story! I'm not trying to pee in anyone's Cheerios.

John,
You're going to begrudge the kid his one chance to be a hero in a sighted basketball game -- in a fun tournament on a team coached by his brother no less? No, it's not in the rules. The coach asked for a bending of the rules -- to his own team's detriment -- as a reward for a good kid who never gets to play. I can't see beating the kid out of it because it doesn't conform to your standards of blind sports morality. But I have to say: "I'm not trying to pee in anyone's Cheerios" replaces "I'm just sayin'" from now on in my lexicon. Far better than, "I'm not tryin' to hock in your Count Chocula."

Rick:
Calling Obama the first president who was "able to jam" is not really fair, since most presidents never got the chance to play. If basketball had been around in the 1830's, I guarantee Lincoln could have dunked. He was around 6'4, and reportedly pretty athletic in his younger days.

-- Tom (Cleveland)

Tom: You may be right. Lincoln weighed around 215 pounds and could chop three trees in the time it took most men to chop one. He was long and sinewy and yet had great strength. One day as a young man, Lincoln said he'd put up $10 to find a man who could pin Jack Armstrong. When no one accepted, he wrestled Armstrong himself. This is how it went, according to a guy who was there, named William Herndon: " Armstrong (was) a hardy, strong, and well-developed specimen of physical manhood … All New Salem adjourned to the scene of the wrestle. Money, whisky, knives, and all manner of property were staked on the result. It is unnecessary to go into the details of the encounter. Everyone knows how it ended: how at last the tall and angular rail-splitter, enraged at the suspicion of foul tactics, and profiting by his height and length of his arms, fairly lifted the great bully by the throat and shook him like a rag …"

Rick:
My son and I are betting on whether President Obama was able to dunk during his earlier ballin' years. Would there be a greater distinction than being the first president to be able to jam? Any evidence that is NOT clouded by Chicago politics? Thanks. Once my printing press arrives I'll pay you in stimulus dollars for the answer.

--RK Kellner (Vienna, VA)

Pay up: Obama says he dunked three times on a single day of basketball practice when he was 16. A dunk is like a hole-in-one, just once is all a man truly needs. Appropros of nothing, I played in the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am last month with PGA Tour star Kenny Perry and he knocked one into the hole from 138 yards out for an eagle. I asked him how many times he'd done that and he said, "No idea. Lots, I guess." And then I said, "How many aces have you had?" And he said, "I hate to even say." And I said, "Try me." And he said, sheepishly, "Thirty-eight." He wasn't kidding.

Rick,
Thanks for the column about Jake and Elway. I met Tommy John when he was with the White Sox in the 70s and I asked for his autograph. He was traveling with his wife and son, introduced us and then asked if I could help with their luggage. I got the light carry-on. He took the heavy stuff. He asked me what Little League team I played for, what number I wore and what position I played. He autographed my book and took another scrap of paper out of his pocket to sign a second one so I, "wouldn't ruin the one in the book when I showed my friends." He shook my hand and when I looked down, there was a $20 bill in my palm. It is nearly 40 years later and I will always remember that day. Years later, when Wade Boggs was scandalized by having an affair with Margo Adams, a talk show host asked a scorned player's wife if there was any major leaguer she believed doesn't cheat, she answered, "Tommy John" and no one else. That's a five-tool role model.

—Larry Mcgrath

Larry, do you realize if you had taken that $20 and put it in the stock market, today it would be worth nearly $20?

Rick,
Regarding your column about coaches being too nice when they're fired. I work for a small software company in Chicago and we recently hired a lot of new sales reps. Things weren't going well with that hiring initiative and I was going to be axed by our CEO, even though I showed lots of promise. When he wanted to discuss my termination I went nuclear on him. Guess what it got me? A promotion. I now handle all our accounts in Silicon Valley and I'm being relocated to the Bay Area. It's amazing what a creative, expletive-laden rant can get you—more money, a better territory and relatively warm winters. If I had threatened his life, then I'd probably own half the company. These coaches need to start treating ownership like they do players in the middle of training camp—like the dead meat they are.

—Brian (Chicago)

Brian,
Why do you think I ran your letter? You scare me.

"I'm greatly disappointed by the lack of attention on the return of Lance Armstrong. He won seven Tour de Frances. A team of football players can only win six championships and Lance had more in a row. Armstrong has done more with one testicle then you or I do with three."

—Mike (Lightning) Liegey

I'm with you, Lightning. I feel ashamed of the paltry few things I've done with three testicles. You'd think I'd have shown more courage and guts with three. Or that perhaps I'd have donated one to the needy. Or perhaps fathered an extra half of a family. But no, I spent all those years in the circus—and for what? Just a paycheck and one flaming romance with the three-breasted woman. You're right. I'll write more about Lance.

—Terry Ellis