AN OPEN LETTER TO DAVID CARR

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Not all hope is lost, David

There are a million hackneyed quotes from dead philosophers that could easily summarize your present situation Instead, we'll keep it simple, and use one from the greatest American philosopher ever: "D'OH!"
     Dire? Yes. But you still can pull it out.

You started with so much promise. Number one pick from Fresno State? A Tedford boy? (They're always so successful!) Your senior year, Fresno beats Colorado, Oregon State and Wisconsin. FRESNO? They got no business even playing those guys! You won the Johnny Unitas Golden Arm Award. Johnny U! To a kid from Fresno?! Incroyable.
     Then, the Texans take you No. 1 overall. You're the face of a brand new franchise. The Houston Chronicle is putting your mug all over the inner loop to promote literacy. In your first game—in the Texans' first game—you beat the Cowboys, 19-10. Only one expansion team to that point had ever won their first game! To borrow from James Cameron, "You're king of the world!"
     So it dropped off a little after that. You guys finish 4-12, and you become the most sacked QB in a single season in NFL history. Still, that's to be expected. It's the first season of existence, and man, you beat the Cowboys! The O-line will improve. Things will get better.
     Only, uh, they didn't. The next few years were a blur—you were still on billboards, but no one understand why. You got the team to 7-9 in 2004, then regressed to 6-10 the next season. Then came Matt Schaub and the release and the billboards went down and you left town.
     But: new hope. Sweet, sweet hope. Carolina! John Fox! Only a few years removed from a Super Bowl! Steve Smith, the most dynamic receiver there is! And then ... a lucky break. Jake Delhomme goes down and it's your team. Only, you didn't take it. It became Matt Moore's team; you became the third stringer. And today, you have no hashmarked home.
     David, it may be time for a new gig. You've always been good at promoting literacy, and you peaked in college. Maybe something with education? You have an almost preternatural ability to find yourself on your back, so perhaps mattress salesman? Maybe entertainment is your thing. (Some might classify your looks as "matinee idol!") You could release a Deflated Hope DVD with Tim Couch and 2002 green room comrade Joey Harrington. That might sell; people are sometimes interested in Icarus-like moments.
     Whatever you do, David, don't give up. You've come too far. You just shouldn't, uh, go back to playing football. But you'll find something, brother. America's the land of hope, despite how bad your O-Line is.

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