AN OPEN LETTER TO DAVID CARR

Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

It's not the O-line, Dave. It's you.

TO: David Carr
FROM: ESPNtheMag.com

David,
There are a million quotes from dead philosophers that could summarize your present situation Instead, we'll just use one from the greatest American philosopher ever: "D'OH!"
     Dire? Yes. But you still can pull it out.
     Sure, you started with so much promise. Number one pick from Fresno State? A Tedford boy? (They're always so successful!) Your senior year, Fresno beats Colorado, Oregon State and Wisconsin. FRESNO? They got no business even playing those guys! You won the Johnny Unitas Golden Arm Award. Johnny U! To a kid from Fresno?! Incroyable.
     Then, the Texans take you No. 1 overall. You're the face of a brand new franchise. The Houston Chronicle is putting your mug all over the inner loop to promote literacy. In your first
game—in the Texans first game—you beat the Cowboys, 19-10. Only one expansion team to that point had ever won their first game! To borrow from James Cameron, "You're king of the world!"
     So it dropped off a little after that. You guys finish 4-12, and you become the most sacked QB in a single season in NFL history. Still, that's to be expected. It's the first season of existence, and man, you beat the Cowboys! The O-line will improve. Things will get better.
     Only, uh, they didn't. The next few years were a blur—you were still on billboards, but no one understands why. You got the team to 7-9 in 2004, then regressed to 6-10 the next season. Then came Matt Schaub and the release. The billboards went down and you left town.
     But: new hope. Sweet, sweet hope. Carolina! John Fox! Only a few years removed from a Super Bowl! Steve Smith, the most dynamic receiver there is! And then … a lucky break. Jake
Delhomme goes down and it's your team. Only, you didn't take it. It became Matt Moore's team; you became the third stringer. And today, you have no hashmarked home.
     We hate to say it David, but maybe it's time to move on.
     We're not just talking about leaving the NFC South. It's a pretty safe bet the rest of the NFL won't be laying out the welcome mat. And forget about the CFL. We might as well come right out and say it: David, it's time you left football—pretty much every form of the game, save for post-Thanksgiving family matches—for good. You can adapt. Hell, you're only 27 and unless you're not as smart as we think you are, you've got a pretty swell nest egg saved up.
     Whatever you do, don't get down on yourself. You've come too far and you're too talented (and handsome). Pick a new career, the world is your oyster! You just shouldn't, uh, go back to playing football. But you'll find something. America is a land of promise (used to be, anyway). Even better, out in the real world, you won't have to depend on your O-line for a paycheck.

Sincerely,
ESPNtheMag.com

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