THE ULTIMATE RACE

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WHICH WILL END THE WORLD FIRST: GLOBAL WARMING OR PEAK OIL?

We thought it might be fun to run the two doomsday scenarios head to head, based on a mostly random reading of current events. What can we say? We like competition.

THIS WEEK: HUGO A GO GO

You've got to hand it to Peak Oil. When it has momentum, it doesn't coast. The sneaky Peakers follow the old high-school football coach's Socratic exercise:

Q: When your opponent's down, do you help him up?
A: No! You kick him in the face!

     And that's just what the unbeaten-in-'08 Oilers tried to do this week. A big Peak Oil weapon, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, pulled out the big guns this week, threatening Colombia by massing troops on his neighbor's border. The move increased international instability and drove up the price of oil to $104 a barrel! And still, in the Western world, not one call for conservation!
     Meanwhile, Global Warming can't seem to get out of the blocks. Snow. In Texas. In March. And no sign that Al Gore's running to pick up the phone when it rings at 3 a.m. telling us the ice caps melted and the basement flooded.
     Needless to say, another win for 3-0 PO.

WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU, THE FAN:
The brilliant move by Venezuela's portly portsider not only ups oil futures. It's sure to inflate the price of Venezuela's other big export, (guys who throw) gas! With all of the formerly impoverished Venezuelan prospects soon to be besotted with oil wealth, how will the Yanquis exploit them? Better living standards means more expensive Venezuelans, which means more reliance on horrible homegrown hurlers. Soon we could be saying, We are all Twins now.

PREVIOUSLY IN THE ULTIMATE RACE:
SHAQ WEIGHS IN
THE STARTING LINE

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