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THE SPORTING EQUIVALENCY: SETH ROGEN

8/5/2008
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[Ed's note: From time to time, we like to equate members of popular culture to athletics. It keeps us trendy! Here goes nothing.]

Seth Rogen turns 26 today, which is no minor matter here. See, Rogen is a pudgy, goofy, not-necessarily-even-that-funny guy, but he's blown up to a pop culture awareness level we can't even fathom. Frankly, it gives all of us hope; the kind of hope we imagine Judd Nelson's rise through The Brat Pack gave our predecessors (like our old boss). Consider: Rogan was recently called "Comedy's new center of gravity" and has been a key player or star in the massive The 40 Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad.

Rogen's a young rising star in the ageless world of Hollywood. However, to compare him to athletic prodigies like LeBron James (first Finals appearance at 22) or Tiger Woods (won a Masters at 21) would be near blasphemy. So who are Rogen's sporting equivalents?

Rogen's NBA Comparison: Michael Redd

Redd is 28, which is weird. He seems like he's been around forever; we could swear he was bouncing dimes to Alcindor in Wisco. We digress. While Judd Apatow films have their following, no one's confusing his movies with Will Smith or Tom Cruise blockbusters. They are best appreciated by a select fan base; that's how we see Redd. While anyone can claim to be a Kobe fan , you have to be a hoops junkie to love the sweet-shooting Redd, who toils in relative obscurity in Milwaukee (they won't be obscure for long, once Larry Brown becomes the coach and Bill Simmons the GM! ). Redd once buried eight three-pointers in a single quarter (2002, against the Rockets). If that's not as clutch a performance as Rogen's delivery room scene with Heigl, what is?

Rogen's MLB Comparison: Adam Dunn

In Cincy, they call Adam Dunn "The Donkey," which seems like something we'd call Rogen if we were friends with him (alas, we're not. We are friends with Jamie Anderson tho!) Dunn is a mixed bag of consistency; every year since 2004 he's had at least 40 HR and 92 RBI, but he also strikes out 165-plus times a season. He's scored 100 runs three of the last four years, but his OBP never seems to get over .370. Rogen? Sure, he's had hits. He's also been in Donnie Darko (egad!), Fanboys (who green lighted that?), and You, Me, and Dupree (that was a good film, but we resent it because of what it ultimately did to Owen Wilson). Inconsistency and looking like a donkey: the eternal bond between Mr. Rogen and Mr. Dunn.

Rogen's NFL Comparison: Matt Light

Take a look at this photo of Matt Light . He's a near dead ringer for our man Seth (boy, we're taking liberties. Could Rogen sue us? Potentially.) While Rogen is the engine of Apatow's films — just like a good O-Line is the engine of any QB's success — Apatow gets the bulk of the credit and is married to the hot girl . Matt Light shoves around 300 pound dudes hell bent on ripping his head off, meanwhile, Tom Brady's going to Costa Rica with Gisele? When Rogen takes a role in Apatow's next project, which is going to star Adam Sandler (the Mike Vrabel of this equation), his star will be even dimmer in comparison. Not to us, though.

Rogen's NHL Comparison: Tomas Holmstrom

We can't help but to liken him to a Swedish semi-great, Tomas Holmstrom. Homer (who is north of 30), as he's affectionately known in Detroit, mimics Rogen in that he has neither looks nor grace, but has become an inextricable cog in the NHL's highest scoring team of the last two years. Homer maximizes varied talents, if not divine gifts, such as good hands and a willingness to block the net, like Rogen uses the odd return of un-sexy appeal and wit in a place where Oscar hopefuls need not dwell. And like Homer, who can spend his NHL cash in the babe wonderland of Sweden when the sun shines, Rogen hangs in Hollywood. Scruff and resourcefulness have produced less and dwelled in worse.