ARBITRARY NFL DRAFT ANALYSIS: TOP 5'S VS. OTHER 5'S

Simply put, because the lesser 5's (the guys picked in the top 5 of the other rounds) had to wait by the phone and fight for their contract it's about time they got their revenge against the 'Green Room' guys. Pretty stupid I know, but then again so is crowding into an arena to hear one name announced every 15 minutes. Here are the years 2001 & 2002. Tomorrow we'll roll out another two …

2001

1. Michael Vick vs. 1. (2nd round) Drew Brees
Summary: This is like taking candy from a baby or the opposite of taking cigs from an incarcerated felon. Brees' silky smooth throws and consecutive 4,400+ yards and 26 TD's are no match for PETA's persona non grata.
Edge: Brees

2. Leonard Davis vs. 2. (3rd rd) Adrian Wilson
Summary: Wilson's a Pro-Bowler who scores extra points with 5.5 million hits of his 66' inch jump on YouTube. But Davis cashed in even bigger in '07 with 50 million large from the Cowboys.
Edge: Davis

3. Gerard Warren vs. 3. (2nd round) Kyle Vanden Bosch
Summary: Vanden Bosch has registered 31 sacks and two Pro Bowls the last three years in Nashville. Gerard Warren? For some reason reminds us of Gerardo , who reminds us of Gerald Wallace, who reminds us of Geraldo.
Edge: KVB

4. Justin Smith vs. 4. (7th rd) T.J. Houshmandzadeh
Summary: Smith is solid and also trailblazed the Bengals arrest string with a DUI in 2004, but Houshmazilly once netted us 132 points in Scrabble and holds Cincy's single-season reception record with 112. (The word you ask? Shoushmandzadeh)
Edge: Housh

5. LaDainian Tomlinson RB vs. 5. (2nd rd) Chad Johnson, (3rd rd) Rudi Johnson
Summary: Oh! A surprise baby powder double-team by the Bengals 'former' studs, but L.T. — who 60 Minutes likes as much as the original — can't be beaten.
Edge: L.T.

Result: Victory to the other guys by a score of 3-2! Silver to the Bengals on having the best draft ever if read in reverse. Bronze to us for printing Gerardo and Geraldo in the same sentence.

5 players we wish we could have used:
#44 Kris Jenkins, #46 Aaron Schobel, #48 Matt Light, #61 Shaun Rogers, #74 Steve Smith

2002

1. David Carr vs. 1. (6th rd) Demarcus Faggins
Summary: We could have chosen Jabar Gaffney (2nd rd) but considering Carr is negative points we felt like showboating. Faggins is still with the Texans and has 29 passes defensed and 5 INTs. David Carr battled the 2,000 year-old man and an undrafted free-agent rookie for PT last season.
Edge: Faggins

2. Julius Peppers vs. 2. (2nd rd) Deshaun Foster
Summary: This is a slaughter. The end. Side note: "Foster's" is Dutch for "Fantasy Tease."
Edge: Peppers

3. Joey Harrington vs. 3. (2nd rd) Kalimba Edwards
Summary: So far not and not so good for Matt Ryan suitors. Kalimba's racked up 26 sacks and 160 tackles. Joey's forever grateful he fell to #3, and currently we have him ranked 4th on the Team Harrington depth chart behind Al, Padraig and Dan. [Ed's note: We loved that billboard by Penn Station, though.]
Edge: Kalimba

4. Mike Williams BUFFALO OT vs. 4. (2nd rd) Josh Reed
Summary: Reed's been a serviceable receiver for the Bills with over 2,600 yds and 8 TD's; Mike Williams is still grateful that he's not Mike Williams.
Edge: Reed

5. Quentin Jammer vs. 5. (2nd rd) Andre Gurode
Summary: Gurode's a two-time Pro-Bowler and has a skull that can withstand 350lbs of metal boot stompage . Quentin's never lived up to the expectations that come along with possessing the greatest 'Create-A-Player' Madden name ever.
Edge: Gurode

Result: Once again, a victory to the People! The 2002 draft slogan should be "Trade Down Young Grasshopper." Well, except Carolina: Peppers is scrumptuous provolone sandwiched in between two legendary busts. Silver to the 2nd round for having a better top 5 than the 1st round. Bronze again to Gurode's industrial-strength cranium.

5 players we wish we could have used:
#44 LeCharles Bentley, #51 Clinton Portis, #65 Deion Branch, #91 Brian Westbrook, #156 Aaron Kampman

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