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DREAM DATE

by T. Bauer


Getty Images

Getty Images

Wednesdays over here, we like to speculate on the goings-on during a "date" between two figures, one of whom is an athlete. Today, though, is a treat: two head coaches of Western Conference powers, both recently having found themselves with the summer free, meet up to discuss the next step. We present: a "Dream Date" between Avery Johnson and Mike D'Antoni.

(AVERY)
I don't particularly care for you. Respect sure, but care? Nay.

(MIKE)
And I neither of you, sir.

(AVERY)
(pause) So... What you got going on?

(MIKE)
Little golf maybe...

(AVERY)
Yea, I gotta check out Home Depot with the wife. Maybe some Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

(MIKE)
Yea.

(AVERY)
This is depressing.

(MIKE)
Horribly so.

(AVERY)
At least Kobe loves you.

(MIKE)
Yea, that's helped me make a Finals. (tears up) At least you did that!

(AVERY)
(twitches violently) Wade. Wade.

(MIKE)
Yea, we sent Shawn over there. (wistfully) Man, things mighta been different with Shawn this last week.

(AVERY)
Our lives are not where they should be, Mike.

(MIKE)
I concur.

(AVERY)
I'm thinking about trying to voice over that character with my name in the Halo series.

(MIKE)
I'm thinking about going back to Italy, maybe get a timeshare with Clooney or something.

(AVERY)
You know Clooney?

(MIKE)
Shaq has his cell.

(AVERY)
Oh. (muttering) Dirk never got me hook ups with any famous people.

(MIKE)
(sighs)

(AVERY)
(sighs)

(MIKE)
Well, be good.

(AVERY)
Yea. (pause) Mike?

(MIKE)
Yea?

(AVERY)
Hug me.

(MIKE)
(approaches) Oh, Avery! It'll be alright!


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