REPORTING FROM ... THE WACHOVIA CHAMPIONSHIP

Ryan McGee

The only place you'll see Tiger in Charlotte this weekend.

There were four thoughts on everyone's mind on Thursday, both inside and outside of the ropes: slow play, fast cars, gigantic carp and John Daly's ex-wife.

1. Every player that strolled off the Quail Hollow course was ready to tee off on rounds that lasted an average of five hours. "It's not a problem with this tournament," said David Toms, who just happens to be a member of the PGA Rules committee. "This has been a tour-wide issue for a couple of years now. If you ask the players, the courses are too hard. If you ask the courses, there are too many players out here on Thursday and Friday. But if they moved the pins to the center of every green like they were in Pro-Am we'd be breezing through here. Number 17 usually kicks our butts, but today they had the tee box moved up and the hole on the left side and guess what? We breezed right on through."

2. On Tuesday, a four pack of PGA-ers got free rides and the chance to drive around the Lowe's Motor Speedway at a breezy 160 mph, courtesy of the Richard Petty Driving Experience. They can't stop talking about it. "I've played in this tournament all five years, says Woody Austin, who was joined by Stuart Appleby, Boo Weekley and Rory Sabbatini. "And I've done that five times. I want to tell other guys they should go do it, but I also want to keep the numbers down so there's more laps for me."

3. The talk around Quail Hollow's brutal par 3 on 17 is usually centered on its ability to kill Sunday rallies ("Don't even bring that hole up to me," jokes Phil Mickelson.) But with Thursday's easier layout, fans and caddies alike were left mesmerized by a Top Gun-style dogfight between an army of turtles and a half-dozen mutant grass carp that each measured at least two feet in length. "I did notice that," said admitted angler Boo Weekley. "I might sneak back out here after they close the place tonight and see if I can't pull a few of them out of there."

4. Everyone is disappointed that Tiger Woods isn't in Charlotte this weekend (and by everyone I mean fans and media members, not his fellow duffers). But on Thursday everyone was REALLY bummed that John Daly wasn't here on the same day that reports surfaced about ex-wife Paulette and her alleged affair with Roger "Who-Knew-I-Was-Wilt-Chamberlain?" Clemens.

"It's hard to make Daly's life any more redneck than it already was," groused one salty veteran golf scribe. "But the Rocket has done it."

Print Article . Email Article. Subscribe to The Magazine