THE WORLD'S GAME (ACCORDING TO US)

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"Alright then, I'm off to Dubai."

[Ed.'s Note: With the Champions League Final upon us, we figured it would be a great time to debut our new Soccer column: The World's Game (According to Us).]

Sports memoirs can make for dull reading, so it was refreshing to learn that the new autobiography of Chelsea striker Didier Drogba, released in France last week, was spicy enough to provoke an investigation by the English Football Association. The FA is annoyed by Drogba's admission that he picked up yellow cards on purpose so that he would be suspended for certain games.

"[Former Chelsea coach Jose Mourinho] calculated everything," Drogba wrote (according to Sky Sports' translation). "He sometimes whispered to me: 'It would be good for you to get a yellow card today. You would miss such-and-such a match. I will give you four free days'."

Drogba, who hails from the Ivory Coast, loved it. "That allowed me to pay myself a little trip to Dubai," he wrote. "It was a modern way of treating work and the individual."

The investigation probably won't come to much. The FA seems to have forgotten that David Beckham admitted to the same thing a few years ago while playing for England, and received no punishment. But Drogba's explanation will stick with us for its loving portrayal of his former coach (The Financial Times compared the book to a "cheap romantic novel") and for its weird take on "work and the individual." Only in France, where even laziness is a political act, can intentional fouls and trips to Dubai be considered visionary.

Drogba and Mourinho are not the only odd couple working on a modern way of treating soccer work and the individual. This week, FIFA president Sepp Blatter and UEFA president Michel Platini are meeting in Moscow to discuss Blatter's "6+5" plan, which would force every club in the world to start its games with at least six players from its home country. Thus, Chelsea would have to play six Englishmen, one Drogba, and four other guys. (Volleyball is instituting something similar) But, as Platini said yesterday, the plan violates EU laws, which protect the "free movement of people, goods, services, and capital." (Drogba, we suppose, takes this to mean he can fly to Dubai whenever he wants.)

Blatter's plan has also been criticized for reinforcing divisive nationalism which soccer is always fighting. If we believe the new Euro 2008 Coke commercials, nationality doesn't matter in the global soccer marketplace. In one, an Italian and a German befriend one another by speaking a common language made up entirely of soccer players' names. "Miroslav Klose … Fabio Cannavaro … Michel Platini," they tell each other and embrace.

Wonder what "Drogba" means to them.

WHILE THE CLOCK RAN

• A team from a tiny German village made a miracle run to the Bundesliga with a little help from a software billionaire.
• ESPN's Euro 2000 ads highlight the drama of the Italians and Portuguese dance moves.
• Just after Portsmouth won the FA Cup, two players had their medals stolen.
• Italian policemen were injured in a scuffle at a Parma match.
• Gabon's coach quit out of fear.
• A fan was shot in Paraguay.
• Amy Winehouse watched Babyshambles' convict, Pete Doherty, play soccer.
• Euro 2008 organizers taught fans to say, "I have the runs" in Austrian.

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