POLITICS AND SPORTS: MATES FOR MCCAIN

Curt Schilling (MLB, MA)
Pro: He's huge with Republicans, and has stated his faith in McCain. Plus, Red Sox nation is pretty blue on our map, and even a hint of purple would be a plus.
Con: Schilling just asked McCain to be his running mate in his own run for President. Awk-ward!

Jose Canseco (AUTHOR, CA)
Pro: He has a crystalline view of the future. The man sees things.
Con: His future involves cloned baseball players controlled by evil owners. Buzz kill!

Pedro Martinez (MLB, NY)
Pros: His popularity in Hispanic countries will help settle any possible foreign policy situations that may arise.
Cons: He's more fragile than McCain.

Brett Favre (ex-NFL, WI)
Pros: The only place in the country he isn't liked is in Chicago, which will likely vote for the Democrat candidate anyway.
Cons: Already seen as a "flip-flopper".

Rasheed Wallace (NBA, MI)
Pro: Off the court, Rasheed is a model family man and is deeply involved in charity. In essence, he's everything a conservative candidate could ask for. No Paula Jones lawsuits here.
Con: He'll be hitting the court again in October.

Devin Hester (NFL, IL)
Pros: His YouTube highlight reel will steal the youth vote away from Obama.
Cons: He will not be contained, even by the Secret Service.

Chris Chelios (NHL, MI)
Pros: Known for his hardworking demeanor, Chelios has accumulated the most penalty minutes of any active player in hockey for a reason: he sticks up for his teammates. At 46, he also has more experience than Barack!
Cons: Captain America is loathed in Canada, and his inclusion could spur a border war. Frankly, our missile defense shield may not be ready for what Ottawa can bring.

Lou Pinella (MLB, IL)
Pros: With the large amount of stress he's had to deal with over the years, McCain looks spry next to Sweet Lou and his grimace.
Cons: Even with their success, his recent affiliation with the Cubs has already pegged "loser" into voting minds, and no matter how lovable, deep down, America hates their losers. Just ask John Kerry.

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