THE MAGAZINE EDITOR'S BLOG: MAKING THE MADDEN CURSE A REALITY

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Marshall Faulk didn't believe in curses. He probably should have.

I made The Onion this past Thursday. I have no clue what prompted the article, but my assistant, Linda, thinks it's hilarious, and I follow Linda's directions on most subjects. I know some people might not brag about being parodied in public, but 1) I'm the youngest of five so I'm used to being mocked; and 2) you take your career highlights where you get them. Until now, you could make a case that my most impressive achievement as a journalist is to have been the first (as far as I can tell) to use the phrase "follicly challenged" to describe a bald person—in this particular case me, in an article I wrote about baldness treatments for Money magazine in March 1996.

This achievement, though, pales in comparison to something accomplished by ESPN The Magazine senior writer Alyssa Roenigk. In our August 19, 2002 issue, Alyssa wrote a small piece about a theory she had that every time an NFL player appeared on the cover of Madden he'd get injured. Yes, that's correct: Alyssa discovered the Madden Curse, which has become so much a part of the NFL zeitgeist that some fans worry about what might happen to the Brett Favre now that he's made this year's 20th anniversary Madden 09 cover. Anyway, we looked to hard to find any reference to the curse before ours, and we can't. Which is not surprising: Alyssa is one of our most inventive writers. Maybe even inventive enough to write for The Onion.

Now on to my list of THE 27 BEST SPORTS IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, ACCORDING TO ME. It's a sprightly ranking, though much less important than another list I keep: MOVIES THAT RUN ON TV ALL THE TIME BUT YOU STILL CAN'T STOP WATCHING NO MATTER WHEN YOU START (Top 3: Armageddon, Shawshank Redemption, The American President). Anyway, here's this week's update, for Coach Madden:

THE 27 BEST SPORTS IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW, ACCORDING TO ME:

1. MLB (National League)¹
2. NBA
3. Open Wheel Racing (IndyCar)²
4. Thoroughbred racing
5. Tennis (women's)
6. Soccer (ex-U.S.)³
7. Golf (PGA, sans Tiger)
8. Cricket
9. NHL
10. Wheelchair golf
11. Water Polo
12. MLB (American League)
13. Tennis (Men's)
14. Rowing (singles)
15. NASCAR (Sprint Cup)
16. Skateboard (street)
17. Mixed Martial Arts⁴
18. Arena Football
19. Metallic Silhouette Shooting⁵
20. College Football
21. Tetherball⁶
22. NFL
23. Skateboard (vert)
24. Poker
25. Marbles
26. WNBA⁷
27. Yoga

1. The Cardinals continue to amaze, but what do you expect of the most successful franchise in Major League Baseball.

2. Scott Dixon came to our office right after his Indy 500 win. Scott Dixon is cool, but he can't hold a candle to our motor sports editor, JB Morris, when it comes to milk-drinking comps.

3. Did I mention I'm a Leeds United fan? Did I mention how pathetic that is?

4. Kimbo Slice came to our office too. Thanks, Mr. Slice!

5. Because guns don't kill people—people who don't use guns solely for sport kill people.

6. We used to play a lot of tetherball in my school growing up. I'm not sure why. But there was a girl in the class above me who was phenomenal. Lela Flumenbaum. I don't know what happened to her, but she was the best female athlete I ever met. And one helluva tetherball player.

7. I have to say, Candace Parker makes me slightly more interested in the WNBA. It's true. Weirdly, women's hoops is one of the few, if not the only, sports where even if you're the best in the world you run the risk of becoming less famous after you leave college and turn pro. I'm not hating; I feel bad about it. And its frustrating, I'm sure, for the good folks who run, and play in, the WNBA. Not for nothing, I once went to a New York Liberty game and had a blast.

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