PIT VIPER

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After two race mishaps, Danica Patrick is regrouping for the Ethanol IndyCar 250. But if overheard chat with strategist Kyle Moyer is to be believed, big changes are afoot.

MOYER: … Okay, let's plan on a pit visit around then.

PATRICK: Um, how about not?

MOYER: Why? Think you can squeeze in a few more laps?

PATRICK: Nope. I just don't think I want to pit anymore. Ever. I'm done with Pit Lane.

MOYER: Oh?

PATRICK: Every time I pit, something bad happens. I run over someone, my car gets hit …

MOYER: You were just unlucky a couple times. Neither of those incidents was your fault.

PATRICK: Easy for you to say. I'm all jittery now. When I flipped by The Money Pit on TBS last night, I began to sob.

MOYER: But if you don't pit, you'll kill your tires. Then you're bound to wreck.

PATRICK: My Odyssey minivan gets like 20,000 miles on its tires. You're telling me I need a new set after only a few hundred? Not if I have to do it in the pits, I don't.

MOYER: And what about fuel?

PATRICK: Way ahead of you: I'll slow down to conserve.

MOYER: Uh, you need to go fast. It's racing.

PATRICK: It'll be fine. Remember, I'll be saving time by not pitting!

MOYER: Even if you could drive 55, you could still run out of gas.

PATRICK: We should try a hybrid engine next race. A Prius gets like 600 miles on a tank of gas, you know.

MOYER: You realize you're more likely to crash on the track driving 55 than you are pitting, right?

PATRICK: How 'bout this: Suppose someone runs alongside me during a yellow and gives me a splash?

MOYER: I wonder if Sarah Fisher is hiring …

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