THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

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"The truth is out there, and I will see it." … "Paul Pierce?"

Check the map up top and roll with this. We're all about blanket coverage here, so feel the warmth. Today brings us the news that bad performance can be punished with more than scorn. This one, we fear, may hit a little too close to home.

Now Banned in Germany: Poor Play
An entire soccer team was banned one year from Germany's lower pro league after the team lost a match 54-1. Officials in Cologne believe DJK Loewen II deliberately lost to Rheinkassel-Langel II so Rheinkassel-Langel II could be promoted to the first-tier pro league over DJK Loewen II's arch rival, Germania Nippes II. (How could they tell?) Now, league officials promoted Germania Nippes, too. Nippes. You can't make this up.

Scuba'd
Scuba divers swept away in strong currents survived 12 hours in shark-infested waters before scrambling onto a remote Indonesian island where they faced yet another threat: a Komodo dragon. They fought him off with sticks and stones, and now face the daunting task of getting this all down so Disney execs can crank out Swiss Family Robinson II: Komodo Island, in under a week.

For Russia, With Cash
Though she was a top player in the WNBA last season, Becky Hammon couldn't crack the loaded roster for the U.S. Women's Olympic basketball team. No problem, she's just going to play for Russia. With not a single relative from there, Hammon is going for the money, and just wants to play. Wait, so Olympic sports also involve cash? I thought it was the last bastion of amateurism, void of commercial interests, PED's or profit?

Southern Style Hooliganism
How do you say "Hooligan" in Spanish? These Latin American stars put Anglo hooliganism to shame. It's not just the fans who are beating each other up; it's the players, who drop karate kicks, take their fights into the stands and even bring rocks to some of their brawls. It's people, coming together!

Cup Crash
The Stanley Cup is OK after taking a tumble during the Red Wings' celebrations in Detroit. NHL spokeswoman Bernadette Mansur says Saturday the Cup got a slight dent Friday after some players took the trophy to Cheli's Chili Bar, a downtown restaurant owned by Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios. What's worse, denting the best trophy in sports, or using it as a ladle for spiced up mystery meat in broth?

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