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THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

by Brian Hill and Paul Kix

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Fletcher was the unfortunate product of a cross-breeding between an iPhone and a Shih Tzu. What would you call that?

So this is how we do this. Each entry here corresponds with an item on the map up top. It's the world, in a quick trip. It's blanket coverage, so feel the warmth. Today brings us the news that if you want to solve a countries problems, you need a strong hand. Start with cricket.

A Fetching Performance
Albert Hoffman was bird hunting yesterday when he fell 20 feet out of the tree, puncturing his lung and severely injuring his back. He couldn't move and called his dog, a Labrador, to retrieve his cell from a nearby rucksack. The good boy knew exactly what to retrieve. Impressive. That's some Cesar Millan-style deference.

20K and Not Selling
Norman Pattitz's seats are courtside for Celts-Lakers in L.A., making them some of the most coveted in U.S. sports. The asking price yesterday on StubHub.com, the Internet ticket broker, was as much as $20,000 for a ticket that has a face value of $3,600. "Color me crazy, but I'm not selling," said Pattiz, the founder of New York-based Westwood One Inc., the radio syndication service. Cedric Benson will take two.

Channeling his Elton John
And we mean rockets, not shades. Freddie McGee was in his bulldozer, digging on a golf course, when he heard a loud clang. Merely a rocket. The thing was about three feet long and weighed 20 pounds. A bomb squad took it to a nearby farm, where it was destroyed. Folks, be careful on the links this summer. If a rocket doesn't blow you up, an out of control speed boat might mow you down.

Computers on the Juice
Scientists unveiled the world's fastest supercomputer on Monday, a $100 million machine that for the first time has performed 1,000 trillion calculations per second in a sustained exercise. It has roughly the computing power of 100,000 of today's most powerful laptops stacked 1.5 miles high, according to IBM. So, what you're saying is, the baby can handle the bets placed in approximately half a Russian tennis match, yes?

Strike for Peace
Archbishop Desmond Tutu says if you want Robert Mugabe to end his tyrannical reign in Zimbabwe, the national cricket team should be barred from playing internationally. It may seem like a stretch, but Tutu is convinced striking against sports helped end apartheid in South Africa. That and Little Steven.


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