THE MORNING ... ACCORDING TO US

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"If you want a ring, you better hope we lose the AFC Title Game this year, babe."

So this is how we do this. Each entry here corresponds with an item on the map up top. It's the world, in a quick trip. It's blanket coverage, so feel the warmth. We could just talk about the Celtics, but what's the fun in that? 17 titles, yadda yadda yadda… and then we had the lobster bisque. Oh, Elaine!

"It's called PING PONG"
This video, straight out of Beijing, purports to be "an intense game of ping pong between two masters." It's really a badly choreographed battle between two nerdy guys set to an odd acoustic riff of "Eye of the Tiger." Still, it's worth a look for humor's sake and well, table tennis is going to be big in Beijing this August—so you might as well brush up on the game.

Margarita Falls
Apparently there's a place in Venezuela called Margarita Falls, and from the looks of this video, it's hard to windsurf (or outright surf) there. That's cool, and we always appreciate watching South American windsurfing videos while sitting in a cubicle, but really: the place is called Margarita Falls. How cool is that? We're waiting for that to be the new name of some dive Mexican joint on our street.

The Callout
Enyimba International of Aba, a championship soccer club in Nigeria, is calling out Manchester United on its website. Man U is slated to play a match in Nigeria in July against Portsmouth, but Enyimba International of Aba wants a crack, stating it will be a "thrilling encounter." Apparently, a vote will commence next week to see which Nigerian club gets to face Man U during their visit; we're just hoping it's not as corrupt as most African voting, because this seems like it'd be a good soccer match.

Homeless Soccer in Texas
The Homeless USA Cup (apparently there's a big one in South Africa as well) is being held in Washington, DC next week. The first ever Texas representation will be on hand, in the form of a team called "Entourage." (Which one is Vinny Chase?) It's comprised of six homeless men and their homeless coach. The coolest quote of this entire piece? "(The players) have consistently been coming to practices and have developed friendships (and stability)," according to the coach. Awesome.

"Why not now?"
French soccer coach Raymond Domenech loses to Italy 2-0 yesterday and gets bounced from Euro 2008. So what does he do? Proposes to his girlfriend at the friggin' press conference! (We're hoping Brady finally pops the question to Gisele after the Chargers win the AFC Title Game this January, by the way.)

The Isiah Thomas of South America
Peru's national soccer team isn't all that good. What's funny is how harsh the newspapers are. They're a more cyncial New York Post, if that's even possible. La Republica claims head coach Jose del Solar "didn't want to win" a match against Columbia this weekend. El Comercio says he did, but his team is the "worst coached ever." An earlier loss to Mexico was "humiliating and shameless." All they need now is a Pedro Vescey.

How far he's come
See Garnett's emotional interview with Michelle Tafoya last night? Awesome, right? You gotta be happy for that guy. Let's take a video look at him balling in high school to see just how far he's come. By the way, you know this video is guerrila because there's a time code on it, camcorder-style. Also? Some guy comments that KG is "too skinny to do anything at the NBA level." HA!

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