THE MORNING ... ACCORDING TO US

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"Do you like movies about gladiators, Reggie?"

So this is how we do this. Each entry here corresponds with an item on the map up top. It's the world, in a quick trip. It's blanket coverage, so feel the warmth. We could just talk about this World Series preview going on down in Tampa between the Cubs and Rays, but you know all about that, right? Do you know how to order a steamed pullet if you're going to the Beijing Games? We'll teach you. Read on.

A Clean Olympics
China revoked licenses for three drug companies, including one that had sent HGH to the United States, and punished 125 other such companies; the move is widely seen as China trying to lay down the law with regard to how clean their Olympics will be. This comes right after claims by the U.S. That China accounted for 99 percent of the illegal performance-enhancing drugs discovered during "Operation Raw Deal" (the largest drug-enforcement action in American history) last year.

The Dumplings are surprisingly good
The new Yankee Stadium is going to have a Hard Rock Café inside it. That'll be cool. Seriously, it's an underrated place to eat, not to mention gawk at Tommy Lee's stuff.

"JUST A BIT OUTSIDE!"
Bob Uecker's yacht was damaged when a 550-foot freighter crashed into it as it was docked near Milwaukee. That's terrible. Wait. Wait. BOB UECKER HAS A FRIGGIN' YACHT? That's ridiculous. The dude that played his co-host in those Major League movies probably owns a share of Madagascar. Society can be depressing.

Ronaldo, in his underwear, getting ice
Apparently, the paparazzi in Moscow are roughly equivalent to those in the United States. There's a new YouTube video showing Portuguese soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo in his skivvies getting ice from a machine in his hotel. He's real nice to the photog; he says "Let me drop this in the room and I'll be back." By the way, the clip's been up about 24 hours and has close to 40,000 views. That's probably because it's Ronaldo. In his underwear.

Celebrating The Rock
Get Smart comes out at midnight. There are plenty of reasons to be excited for this flick: Steve Carrell is funny, Anne Hathaway is beautiful (FYI: she just broke up with her billionaire boyfriend), and it's another potential high-grosser for former wrestler Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (did you know The Game Plan made over 140 million? Disney rules.) Anyway, we thought we'd include a clip from 1997 of The Rock winning his first-ever wrestling title, so you can remember him as he was. Seriously, why didn't Hogan make the leap to major acting stardom? No Holds Barred? C'mon.

Coming Clean
Balazs Koranyi ran the 800 meters for Hungary in 1996 and 2000. Today, he's a Budapest-based political reporter for Reuters. This morning, he writes a first-hand account of doping in the Olympics. Drug use was pervasive. "The athletes I knew did not brag about drugs but often compared notes." Koranyi is a more competent Jose Canseco, which means--okay--that he's no Jose Canseco at all.

Lost in Translation
In order to appease the English-speaking masses, restaurants in Beijing will offer menus with translated English for the Olympics. So what is now "Chicken Without Sexual Life" will be, by August, simply, "Steamed Pullet." What is "Husband and Wife Lung Slice" will be "Beef and Ox Tripe in Chili Sauce." You might as well eat at McDonald's with culture this homogenized

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