<
>

SPORTING EQUIVALENCY: AL CZERVIK

8/5/2008
"Hey, Wang! What's with the pictures? It's a parking lot!" Getty Images

A couple of things happened this week to spark this post. First, we had a friend in town; walked past legendary comedy club Dangerfield's, and the dude says to us: "Does he still perform there?" We waited a beat, then broke the news: "Uh, he's dead." (In defense of our friend, we work for ESPN and just realized Wilt Chamberlain was dead about four years ago.) Then, Caddyshack was on VH1's "Movies That Rock" this weekend. Epic film: just look at this, this, and this. George Carlin passed over the weekend, and yesterday another friend says to us, "Some of the funniest people ever are dying." To keep the memory alive, we're turning "Sporting Equivalency" on Dangerfield's most iconic character (apologies to fans of Back to School and Ladybugs), Al Czervik in Caddyshack. Read this post if ya wanna make 14 dollars the hard way. HEY-O!

Al Czervik's NFL Equivalent: Chad Johnson

This one's easy. Our co-worker says to us, "Whoever you equate to Czervik has to have some degree of wit." Johnson does and he's got bravado too: almost went au natural on the cover of our Magazine. We're not sure Johnson could pull off the rapid-fire, gangbusters delivery of a Czervik routine in this movie, but we think he's the NFL'er closest to making it a reality. (By the way, Ty Webb = Peyton Manning? Maybe.)

Al Czervik's MLB Equivalent: Ozzie Guillen

This one's easy too (we think). In the '05 World Series, when he wanted Bobby Jenks, Guillen made a hand motion indicating "Bring me the fat guy." That's Czervik to the core. If you ever watch Guillen in his happy moments—when the Sox are firing on all cylinders—he has a quick, witty rapport with others that seems a little Dangerfieldian. Bonus: his battles with Kenny Williams are probably similar to Czervik vs. Smalls at some level.

Al Czervik's NBA Equivalent: Chris Bosh

Funniest dude in the NBA and while not nearly as brazen as Czervik, we'll still take this comparison on sheer humor quality. If we were writing this in five years, do we have Beasley here? Perhaps.

Al Czervik's Golf Equivalent: John Daly

We normally go NHL here, but in the spirit of the character, we're going golf. Daly's a little more of a train wreck than Czervik (which says a lot), but he's still big, outspoken, generally sweaty, and would probably throw down a grand to a judge that he'll miss a three-foot putt. So, it works!