THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

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"Your vodka-cranberry is here." "No, it's vodka-blood. You think Rambo was a joke?"

So this is how we do this. Each entry here corresponds with an item on the map up top. It's the world, in a quick trip. Our favorite bit of knowledge today is the re-incarnation of Rambo, now playing swamp soccer in Scotland. If we find out he brought some of those whittled sticks to disembowel opponents … well, that would just be sooo like him!

Rambo Conquers Swamp!
A team of players dressed like Rambo has won the Swamp Soccer World Championship in Scotland. Team Rambo, battled mud and stiff competition to pick up the trophy, in the Scottish town of Strachur, Argyll. The third annual championship included 42 teams and 100 matches over a three-day period with entrants traveling from all over the world. No Vietnam flash back-cum-killing sprees were reported, sadly.

Western Influence
This is how to tell how entrenched American mores are in a foreign country: Does it have a pole dancing class? And the answer, as this slide show from the Anhui Province in China makes clear, is that Axl Rose can't get Chinese Democracy out soon enough. The women in the photos liken the workouts' strenuousness to gymnastics. And we're sure that's the case. That's why we included it. For its aerobic instruction. (USA! USA!)

Mayor-nator
After telling a 15-year-old during a pickup basketball game that "bad things would happen" if he quit, the mayor of Greeley, CO is now under fire for tackling the kid while he rode a motorbike. The mayor says he did it so the kid didn't harm himself. The kid's dad said it's because his son had disparaged the mayor's wife. Now, there's talk of a restraining order. Another Norman Rockwell moment in Middle America!

Russia, Now 48% Harder to Spell
After Russia's landmark victory in the quarterfinals of Euro 2008, many parents have named their newborns in honor of its football stars. Two couples named their sons after Russian head coach, Guus Hiddink. Others named their boys after players Roman Pavlyuchenko and Andrei Arshavin, who scored goals during the game with Holland. We say, cute!

Kung Fu, Cheap on eBay
Between perfecting one-finger handstands and fending off 1,000 enemies at once, the residents of China's Shaolin Temple are hawking t-shirts, candles and chopsticks online. The temple in the Henan province, famous as the birthplace of kung fu, has established an eBay-style store selling Shaolin branded merchandise on China's TaoBao auction site. Where is the "Buy Now" link for "secrets to immortality"?

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