THE BIG-ISH GAME

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Despite months of fanfare, there's a good chance the ArenaBowl has snuck up on you. With precious few days remaining before the July 27 throwdown, there's no time like now to work up a suitably frothy lather of AFL excitement. Are you ready?

1) Say you're in New Orleans on ArenaBowl weekend with $150 burning a hole in your pocket. What do you spend it on?
a. A rented conference room at the local Marriott that has the same dimensions as an Arena Football field (5)
b. A nice dinner and two tickets to Brideshead Revisited (-11)
c. Three tickets (Sec. 312) from StubHub.com—plus a Columbus Destroyers wall clock (13)

2) Complete this sentence: If ArenaBowl XXII is half as exciting as ___________, I'll be one happy mammal.
a. The season finale of How I Met Your Mother (-9)
b. Watching my neighbor's dog catch a Frisbee (0)
c. The final play of the Dragons-Soul divisional playoff (10)

3) Who is headlining the Mitsubishi Motors ArenaBowl Extravaganza?
a. Radiohead (-13)
b. The News (0)
c. Huey Lewis and the News! (6)

4) The team that wins the coin flip gets to ___________.
a. Decide if it wants to kick off or receive (0)
b. Take the ball and charge down the field as its players bounce off those awesome walls (12)
c. Keep the coin and add it to its players' share (-4)

5) If Gisele Bündchen were to dump Tom Brady for the top-rated AFL passer, whom would she be dodging paparazzi with?
a. Frankly, I don't see her leaving him for any AFL player (-6)
b. Philadelphia Soul's Matt D'Orazio (7)
c. That one guy who used to play in the NFL … I think for the Jags or Broncs … before he got cut. Y'know … (2)

6) If you knew then what you know now, whom would you have taken with the first pick in your AFL fantasy draft?
a. LaDainian Tomlinson (-8)
b. I'd prefer not to disclose that information as I am currently preparing for next season's draft (14)
c. Utah Blaze QB Joe Germaine (5)

7) What was the most amazing thing about the 2008 regular season?
a. That there was one (-15)
b. That the Blaze's Huey Whittaker survived with the name Huey Whittaker long enough to play it (0)
c. I'm torn: either Cleveland Gladiator Otis Amey's 50 TDs or teammate Marlion Jackson's AFL-best 356 rushing yards (20)

8) The worst thing about the ArenaBall Awards Gala on the Friday before the big game is?
a. Don't care. Skipping this question (-32)
b. The rumor that tuxedos are forbidden (3)
c. That it's not today (14)

9) What is the cost of a 30-second commercial during the ArenaBowl?
a. $1.99 for the first minute, 99 cents for each additional minute (-10)
b. $200 plus tax? (0)
c. Whatever it is, it's worth every penny! (17)

10) What is the ArenaBowl MVP most likely to say as he's carried off the field after the game?
a. "I'm going to Disneyland!" (-9)
b. "I'm going to put on 50 pounds of muscle and take it to the next level!" (2)
c. "I'm going back to driving a truck for a mattress store!" (13)

ANSWER KEY:

Less than 0 points: Sorry, I prefer to spend my time watching replays of old NIT games.
0-32 points: I'm ready … but only for the first half. Then I have to run some errands.
33 points or more: Bring it on! fewer than 180 days until players report for training camp! David Baker, I love you.

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