THE ULTIMATE RACE

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How could you expect us to destroy the world before the Pats D-Line went back to destroying QBs?

WHICH WILL END THE WORLD FIRST: GLOBAL WARMING OR PEAK OIL?

We thought it might be fun to run the two doomsday scenarios head to head, based on a mostly random reading of current events. What can we say? We like competition.

THIS WEEK: DENY EVERYTHING!

The Ultimate Race has been in the doldrums. Just didn't seem like there was a lot out there that portends the collapse of civilization. But we figured out why. Football season hasn't started yet!

After the All-Star Game Home Run Derby, there's just not much that reminds you of mindless destruction until training camps open. Then, you remember the thrill when your favorite Mike 'backer decides to tuck the tail, sky the eyes and deliver a slobberknocker!

We realized that Global Warming and Peak Oil were merely taking a final breather before they get down to serious two-a-days next week. Kinda like that other heavy hitter, John Clayton! (Except that Clayton never takes a day off!) And then we figured out something else, which actually does portend the end: Denial!

After months without football, society just can't come to grips with the ugly reality that, seriously, it's over. Just like Brett Favre! Examples of blatant Favretism? Peak Oil hataz daydream about huge Arctic and offshore oil reserves that will rescue us. Ha!

And GW doubters like to say giant storms won't put a kink in the system. Pshaw! Even the battered U.S. dollar is in denial, trading higher and driving down oil prices, even though a bunch of big banks look set to collapse! (This, by the way, sets up a mini-Ultimate Race: What will be reduced to rubble first, the sports arena with the bank's naming rights, or the bank itself?

All of which is great news, if you think about it. Because denial assures the Ultimate Race will go on!

A quiet week, but not a disappointment. A tie!

And the Heat holds an 11-10-2 lead!

WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU, THE FAN:
When we analyze NFL football, we go the experts, like this guy. And when we analyze Peak Oil, we go to T. Boone Pickens, the Mel Kiper Jr. of oilniks. He still thinks you should hold on to those oil futures, because we're going to $300, baby! (A totally ripped movie, by the way.)

That means Boone expects to make more money, which means Oklahoma State will get even bigger donations from him. Go long on oil, and go long on the Pokes, national champs in 2012!

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