FANTASY WORLD:
BREAKING DOWN THE SWAP MEET

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"See, you got here via trade. I had to sell my soul to the devil."

Another trading deadline has come and gone, meaning it's time for two things: Buster Olney to lower the minutes on his cell phone plan, and for me to dissect how these deals will affect your fantasy team. Let's take these on in the best order around: chronological! (We'll also provide the flea market equivalent.)

Xavier Nady to the Yankees
Value Shift: So far, so good for Professor X. Nady starts his pinstripe career with a .400 batting average, 4 HRs, 11 RBIs and 9 Rs in 9 games. But like much of California, this hot hitting could collapse at any time; his out-of-this-world .363 BABIP is due for a course correction, and this before he pulls his off-season Aaron Boone moment. Also, we wonder about the state of the Yankees when they are thrilled about snagging an over-achieving 30-year old the halfway competitive Pirates found dispensable.
Flea Market Equivalent: Any electronics item which you buy but know didn't come with a warranty for a reason.

Casey Blake to the Dodgers
Value Shift: Blake goes from being the 10th best AL 3rd baseman to the 9th best in the NL.
Flea Market Equivalent: Trading a mint 2005 Topps Casey Blake card (worth 15 cents) for a mint 2005 Upper Deck Casey Blake card (worth 20 cents).

Ivan Rodriguez to the Yankees
Value Shift: It'll be nice hitting in a potent Yankees lineup and in a park that's 318 feet to left field instead of Comerica's spacious 345 feet, but don't expect much improvement.
Flea Market Equivalent: A wheat penny from 1938, which is now worth about 10 cents.

Kyle Farnsworth to the Tigers
Value Shift: Todd Jones is hurt, Fernando Rodney is blowing every other save chance he gets, and the release of Rock Band 2 in September should sideline Joel Zumaya indefinitely. Farns could be closing by mid-August.
Flea Market Equivalent: An autograph from the 2nd oldest person in the world, which could be valuable soon, but even then, only for a short period of time.

Mark Teixeira to Angels
Value Shift: In Atlanta he hit 4th behind Chipper Jones, now he hits 3rd in front of Vlad. Any RBI production lost from hitting down a spot should be compensated by being in a much more hitter-friendly park.
Flea Market Equivalent: A roll of duct tape. Sturdier than rock and more dependable than your best friend.

Casey Kotchman to the Braves
Value Shift: No change here; Casey at the Bat hit better this year on the road (.284, 10 HRs) than in Rally Monkey Heaven (.279, 2 HRs). There's still time for him to get better with age (he's only 25), but it looks like Kotchman is your standard .280, 20 HR kind of guy.
Flea Market Equivalent: Hickory Farms sausage and cheese gift set. Nothing to get too excited about, but a worthwhile package all around.

Ken Griffey, Jr. to the White Sox
Value Shift: The White Sox didn't necessarily need Griffey (Baseball Prospectus' Christina Kharl called the move "Kenny Williams catching his white whale") but seeing as it cost the Sox nothing, why not? Griffey's value actually takes a slight plunge going to Chicago. While they say he'll be playing center every day, let's see how serious they are once Konerko and Swisher return to mashing. And even then, are Griffey's 38-going-on-64-year-old knees going to hold up?
Flea Market Equivalent: A nice vintage sweatshirt you find that you wear every day for 2 months before it finally completely unravels.

Manny Ramirez to the Dodgers
Value Shift: Manny was less Manny away from Boston (.295 away vs. .324 home average) so moving to the pitcher-friendly Chavez Ravine won't help. Plus, he'll be hitting in a less powerful lineup, one made so by Joe Torre continuing to play Juan Pierre or Andruw Jones on a nightly basis. That said, Manny being Manny, all bets are off if he starts trying. (And, he's off to a good start.)
Flea Market Equivalent: A bootleg DVD of Clue. The quality of the product might suffer a bit, but it's tough to lose the underlying brilliance contained within.

Jason Bay to the Red Sox
Value Shift: Bay's move means he gets to hit in an honest-to-goodness major league lineup, gets to bank a bunch of doubles off the Green Monster, and can enjoy the pleasure of being IN A pennant race for the first time. The only way Bay's value suffers is if, like Tweek from South Park, he just can't take the pressure. Or that he got his power from Pittsburgh's awesome sandwiches.
Flea Market Equivalent: Any Garbage Pail Kid card, because they're perfect in every way.

Andy LaRoche, Craig Hansen and Brandon Moss to Pirates
Value Shift: LaRoche, the prize of the deal, should be picked up immediately. A stud in the minors, he has 30 HR power and will be getting the everyday at-bats. He might struggle this year—he was hitting only .203 for the Dodgers—but is the best long-term keeper in the deal. Moss and Hansen are worth keeping an eye on, as Moss will step into Bay's vacant left field spot and Hansen has an outside shot of closing later this year.
Flea Market Equivalent: A ham radio. It might cost a pretty penny, but it'll be worth it down the road when the apocalypse hits and cell phones are worthless.

Carlos Quentin, Jim Thome, Richie Sexson to the GSMs
Mark Teixeira, Joe Saunders, Erik Bedard, Jack Cust to the Top-Heavies
Value Change: The major leagues weren't the only ones who had a trading frenzy. Mired in 3rd place for the past month, I decided it was time to make some changes, including getting rid of both of my White Sox players. Calling Quentin on the phone to tell him he was traded was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. (Him pretending that he didn't know who I was didn't help matters any.) The leader of our team, Q is having one of the great surprise years in recent memory, hitting .285, 29 HRs, 79 Rs, 86 RBIs, 5 SBs thus far. I got all of that for only a buck! But as an MVP candidate, he was really the only trade bait I had; our league gives out a bonus for whatever team has the MVP. So long, The Carlos Quentin. You will be missed.
Flea Market Equivalent: Pawning off your wedding ring for a loaf of bread.

A.J. Burnett to the No Whammies
Brian Roberts to the Top-Heavies
Value Change: But this second part is the key to the above deal. Losing Burnett straight up for Brian Roberts would have been too big a blow for my team to handle, but getting Saunders (and, hopefully, a somewhat healthy Bedard) back softened the blow enough. More than any other category, I can pick up a few crucial points in SBs by the end of the year, so getting Roberts should get me above the 3rd place plateau I'm currently in. Plus, it doesn't hurt that Roberts is an all-around great clubhouse guy. Like Kenny Williams or any overweight fella from Pennsylvania, I can never have enough grinders!
Flea Market Equivalent: Finding the image of Jesus burnt into that loaf of bread and trading that in for two wedding rings!

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Player on My Team of the Week: A.J. Burnett ended his time on my team with a bang: 2 wins, 14 Ks and a 2.84 ERA over 2 starts.

How to Heckle One Of My Players of the Week: "I understand that choosing between season-ending surgery on your finger or electing to play with pain is a big decision to make, Alexi Casilla. If you're a pansy."

Best Fantasy Strategy: Steve Smith, who lowered his own fantasy value by breaking teammate Ray Lucas' nose. Now Smith can wait until the 4th round before drafting himself, rest for 2 weeks, come out like gangbusters, and lead himself to another fantasy championship. Well played, Mr. Smith.

Buy High: The Cubs making it to 101 years of futility. During Monday night's game against the Astros, the skies opened and rain, lightning, and tornado warnings came pouring out, ending the game while the Cubs were down 2-0. It was no guarantee that they were going to come back, but God wasn't taking any chances that day. Get used to cosmic events of this nature, Cubs fans.

Sell Low: The rumored calming properties of becoming a vegetarian after seeing Prince Fielder lose his mind on Manny Parra.

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