THE WORLD'S GAME (ACCORDING TO US)

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We set our alarms for this?

We're not exactly our best at 5:30 in the morning. You might not even call us "awake", but we love soccer, and we love the Olympics, so we set the alarm anyway and hope for something good to happen. This morning it didn't—at least from an American perspective. The U.S. men's team, playing a man down for 87 minutes, were eliminated from the tournament by Nigeria.

Maybe the loss put us in a bad mood, or maybe it's the six gallons of coffee we drank, but we're beginning to wonder why soccer's in The Games at all. If the guy who founded the modern Olympics had his way, it wouldn't be.

"The only real Olympic hero, is the individual adult male," Baron Pierre de Coubertin wrote. "Therefore, no women and no team sports."

We don't want to join the baron's misogynist witch hunt and shun women's water polo. But soccer? It barely fits into the Olympic time frame: it's the only sport that began before the opening ceremony, and there are so many games packed in that it's hard to follow. At least for the men, the tournament format also seems a bit absurd. Teams must have 15 players who are under 23 years old. Then they are allowed to add three others of any age. The idea is to have a youth tournament, which honors the traditional amateurism of games (how quaint), and doesn't compete with FIFA's big circus, the World Cup, but still have a few Ronaldinhos out there to keep folks in their seats.

It hasn't worked. Despite reports that all the tickets were sold out, Olympic soccer matches have been played in front of largely empty stadiums. Even the star-packed Argentinean team played to an empty house in Shanghai. What's more, some of the fans that are in attendance are Chinese plants with special choreographed cheers. They are supposed to make the stadiums look full and lively.

Ronaldinho, meanwhile, has been brilliant, but the fact that he's playing against college students from New Zealand has caused some commentators to raise an eyebrow.

Olympic soccer may be doomed anyway. After a court ruled that Barcelona had a right to prevent its star player, Lionel Messi, from playing in the games, the team struck a deal with Argentina's soccer association. Argentina must pay for an insurance policy on Messi's health while he's in China, and they can't pick him for any friendly matches for the next year. This is a financial blow to the national teams, which have been trying for years to avoid paying players' big salaries (The insurance policy deal is awfully close), and have been making big money off of friendly matches in places like Tokyo and Cairo, where appearance fees are often hinged on the inclusion of star players.

Just when we might be ready to forget Olympic soccer and turn our attention to whitewater canoeing, though, we see something like this incredible overhead kick from Brazil's Cristiane, and we're hooked again. Then we watch this lighting quick passing sequence from the Argentines. Overage player Riquelme, orchestrating his young minions, gives sudden credibility to the format.

It's the Brazilian women against Norway at 6:00 a.m. on Thursday. Set the alarm.

EXTRA TIME

• If he hadn't been injured, a former Manchester United prospect would have been good—8.6 million dollars good—says a British court.


• L.A. loses some of its best haircuts: Alexei Lalas and Ruud Gullit are out of the Galaxy.


• We know that one night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble, but what does five and a half years as prime minister do? Man City owner Thaksin Shinawatra faces corruption charges.


• Did you say John McKain? Soccer player has identity crisis.


• Canadians play longest soccer game in history. They deserve a few Labatts, eh?

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