HUNTING THE WALKING DEAD

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A new RB showed up to Cardinals camp: 30-year-old Edgerron Kames.

(Ed's Note: From now until the end of baseball season, Fantasy World is going to be a bit schizophrenic, switching between pigskin prognostication and ballpark breakdowns on a week-to-week basis. This week, it's the former.)

The most critical part of any fantasy football draft comes at roughly the 2-hour mark. No, it's not the point when you contemplate where exactly your life went wrong. (That's a close second.) It's the time in every draft where you start to collect your super-sleepers. Or, as I like to call them, your "zombie platoon", because they spend much of the year waiting to rise from the festering graveyard of your bench. But unlike real zombies, these won't come back to bite you. (See what I did there?)

Herewith is a list. Try to wipe the blood from their mouths before you put them in.

Quarterback: Jason Campbell, WAS
Coming off a season-ending knee injury. Campbell fell off of many owners' mental radar. But, as Simple Minds urged, don't you forget about [him]. His 16.3 points per game placed him at 17th in the league last year, above such "name players" as Matt Schaub, Vince Young, Marc Bulger and Jeff Garcia. Best of all, this preseason he's looked extremely comfortable in the newly-installed West Coast offense, going 7-10 with 70 yards in his last game. Also of note is what Washington did in the draft this year, specifically using their three 2nd round picks on WRs Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly, and TE Fred Davis. That's not the sign of a team that doesn't want to air it out. Did I mention he was tied for 6th in rushing yards for a QB last year? You could do a lot worse as a backup.

Honorable Mentions: Jeff Garcia, Chad Pennington, and the recently-named starter J.T. O'Sullivan

Running Back: Tim Hightower, ARI
While 40 may be the new 30 in cosmopolitan life, 30 is still the new 75 in the life of an NFL running back. And hey look, Edgerrin James just turned it. Meanwhile 5th round pick Hightower has blown coaches away in camp, so much so that Arizona actually released Marcel Shipp and had Hightower supplant J.J. Arrington as James' primary backup. Edgerrom Kames. You know, the guy who just turned 30? At worst, Hightower is expected to eat the goal-line carries, T.J. Duckett-style. At best, he's going to be handed the keys to the Cardinals running game. And while that's like getting a Ford Edsel (they were 4th worst in rushing last year) it sure beats carpooling with Mildred from accounting.

Honorable Mentions: Chester Taylor, Chris Perry, Jerious Norwood

Wide Receiver: Vincent Jackson, SD
In life, you remember the winners. Which is why while David Tyree's stellar playoff performance will have him overvalued, and Jackson's postseason success will be forgotten. To bring you up to speed, during their three playoff games, Jackson caught 18 passed for 300 yards and two TDs. Calculate that over a season and you get 96 catches, 1600 yards and almost 11 TDs, putting him right around top-5 WR production. Obviously, you can't expect that (Antonio Gates being banged up for the playoffs helped Jackson's cause), but at this late point in the draft you're looking for upside, and Jackson has that in spades.

Honorable Mentions: D.J. Hackett, Bryant Johnson

Tight End: Zach Miller, OAK
It's pretty simple when it comes to tight ends this year: Either you have one of the top four, or you don't. After that, you're throwing darts at a very, very boring map. So, if you're just going to take a chance, why not Zach Miller? In JaMarcus Russell's only start last year, he hooked up with Miller eight times for 84 yards. And there's no reason for that trend not to continue since young QBs tend to play it safe and check-down to their friendly sometimes-blockers. But don't take my word for it: In Oakland's 2nd preseason game Miller led all receivers with 48 yards and a TD.

Honorable Mentions: Ugh. Not even worth it.

Kicker: Sebastian Janikowski, OAK
You should be ashamed of yourself, looking for "sleeper" kickers. No self-respecting fantasy football manager is going to waste drafting two kickers. For shame, good sir! That said, if you happen to be in a league where you must draft 2 kickers, then, like any decision in life, always choose the one that's most Polish.

Honorable Mention: There's nothing honorable about this.

Player On My Team of the Week: Mark Teixeira, for a whooping second straight week! Losing Quentin has hurt a bit—the All-Powerful Q has hit .419 with 7 HRs, 12 RBIs and 12 Runs in his 2-plus weeks away from my outfield—but you can't argue with Tex hitting .500 with a couple of jacks last week.

How to Heckle One of My Players of the Week: "Hey Carl Crawford, odd that the Rays would be having their best season when you're having your worst. Oh well. At least you can turn it around late in the year when they need you the mos … oh, that's right … you're hurt …"

Best Devious Marketing Strategy: Jamaican runner Usain Bolt who, rumor-mongerers reported, slowed down at the end of his world-record-breaking victory in the men's 100M in order to give him an opportunity to cash in again later, when he actually tries.

Buy High: The class of the Reds organization after management wrote a for their dismal season. Meanwhile, the Pirates organization are working on a 20,000-page apology for the past 16 years.

Sell Low: Records broke in the 2032 Olympics due to "genetic reasons." For this year's Olympics, the Beijing health bureau distributed 400,000 condoms to hotels in the city. At the Olympic Village alone, they gave out 100,000. And people said the Olympics couldn't bring people together?

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