FIVE BUCKS GOES A LONG WAY

If you can afford this rag, you can have it all.

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"A year ago, broke and depraved, I bought Vitale's book. Yesterday I installed plasma in my john. Yes, like Nelly."

In the current issue of ESPN the Magazine, we look at the way the economy is affecting sports. The Mag? It'll cost you a fiver. These days, five bucks in your pocket will buy just one-plus gallon of gas, some smokes in California, a No. 1 at McDonald's (that ain't a fastball) or, yes, a bound copy of this rag. But it won't get you very far.

We did the research to take your fiver farther. Here's a few sports-related uses for that finsky.

Las Vegas 51s Glow-in-the-dark Keychain: Visit the AAA affiliate of the L.A. Dodgers to pick up this delightfully kitschy fob. The 51s are awash in alien visitation imagery, and Cosmo, the mascot, fits right in. Between the intense Vegas sunlight and the even brighter Strip, you may not see him glow until you get back home.
Price: $3.97

Kansas Jayhawk pencils: Celebrate the basketball championship and the Orange Bowl win on a budget. Also good as a prison shank after over-celbrating your victories into a trip to weekend lockup.
Price: $4.99 for a package of six

Negro Leagues Museum Mini Baseball Bat: Let this little Louisville Slugger remind you of the days when Cool Papa Bell, Buck O'Neil and Satchel Paige performed incredible feats that most of America never saw.
Price: $4.99l
NASCAR Day Pin: A five dollar donation to the NASCAR Foundation will get you this snazzy pin, featuring the ubiquitous ribbon in a checkered-flag motif. That, and the knowledge that you've donated to a good cause. It's like the United Way on wheels.
Price: $5

MLS New England Revolution Pennant: Celebrate the beautiful game in a wash of patriotic colors. No, it's not bath soap. Nevermind.
Price: $4.99

Arena Football: New Orleans VooDoo License Plate: You don't have to be from the Big Easy to love this plate. The skull and crossbones in a top hat is a nice touch, and you save money over inflated truck stop prices.
Price: $3.99

Kentucky Derby Swizzle Sticks: A mint julep might taste best at Churchill Downs, but fans of the ponies can muddle the mint and relive the memories any old time with these straws that stir the drink.
Price: Package of ten for $4.49

You don't have to be a Seinfeldian "face painter" to dig these. Especially if you have kids. David Putty would wear one on his face.

Warren Moon NFL HOF Induction Pin: This classic design has cross-border appeal, as Canadian fans know that Moon's five Grey Cups figure into the body of work that got the former Houston Oiler elected.
Price: $4.00

ESPN College Football Shirt: You didn't think we'd leave you hangin', did you? Just in time for football season, it's Lee Corso trying on mascot heads. Truly a cheap laugh. We think Corso can also get you a deal on pencils. Look into it.
Price: $4.99

Coors Field Rockpile Tickets: 5,280 feet above sea level. 500 feet from home plate. Four bucks. These bleacher seats have been sold on a first-come, first-served basis since Coors opened in 1995. Prices elevated slightly during last year's Rockies playoff run, but went right back down to normal for the 2008 season. Best deal in pro sports.
Price: $4.00

Soup of the Day at Dan Majerle's Sports Grill: "Thunder Dan" was a fan favorite in Phoenix, where his name graces the Suns Ring of Honor. His downtown Phoenix sports bar is a great place to get a decent meal at a good price. That's a bowl of soup, not a cup, mind you.
Price: Cup—$2.99 Bowl—$4.99

Refurbished Golf Balls: All of the balls you cranked into the lake/pond/stream/kiddie pool come back to haunt you. At least they're cheap.
Price: One dozen for $4.99

Dick Vitale's Living A Dream: Readers should have no difficulty imagining the author's voice while reading this one. Foreword by Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski. Seriously. IT'S AWESOME BAYBEE!!!
Price: $5.00

Mariano Rivera Figurine: From McFarlane toys. Question: could you get a hit off of a three-inch-tall Rivera? Answer: Maybe.
Price: $2.98

NHL Temporary Tattoos: You don't have to be a Seinfeldian "face painter" to dig these. Especially if you have kids. David Putty would wear one on his face.
Price: $2.99

Ray Lewis Action Figure: Six inches tall. Still terrifying.
Price: Sheet of 10 - $4.99

A Package of Baseball Cards: This set of 2008 Topps Chrome Cards is just a sample. There's an old-school thrill in opening each pack, hoping to find a favorite player inside.
Price: $3.00

Of course, if you only have five bucks, why not just spend it on this fine magazine?

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