THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

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More tragic and depraved: real war, or dudes re-enacting Normandy with the help of Sherwin-Williams?

Thursday is a notorious tease. No weekend has ever been called a 4-day weekend because Thursday was involved, and any good manager knows that Thursday is really the day to zap the proverbial cattle prod, because one can justify it by saying, "This way you won't have to stay late tomorrow." Here, we just want to make you smile, and provide depth to your already impressive knowledge of sports and news from around the world. It's not even prodding; it's just here.

Blood Bath! Sort Of
Spanish revelers have pelted each with 113 tons of ripe tomatoes in an annual food fight in the village of Bunol, which is enough to make a mess, and even get Krusty the Clown off-stage. The town hall says an estimated 40,000 people took part in the hour of messy fun in the village on the outskirts of Valencia. The ritual dates back to the 1940s. So, during the war to end all wars, they came up with a food-wasting tomato fight? Way to grieve, people.

You Know, a Lot of Jerks Play Paintball
See, this is why we never got into paintball: It's a little too real. Yesterday in Montenegro--formerly of Yugoslavia, currently the newest sovereign state in the world; we had to look it up, too—this guy, Todor Makavejic, ran up to a rival after a match and, from a couple feet away, unloaded on the guy in the face. The paint balls are believed to have crushed some of his facial bones. He was rushed to the hospital. Meanwhile, Makevejic was arrested, which authorities think is the first such arrest for actually playing the game. But for paintball-inspired violence, many others have been jailed.

Go Ahead and Break a Leg
Australians are just a manlier lot. Foster's beer, Australian football, Paul Hogan's big knife. So it's not all that surprising to know that when a seaside town tried to ban its elementary kids from doing cartwheels and other gymnastics at recess, the parents got all burred up. If gymnastics is dangerous, the parents reasoned, so is cricket, soccer, and tennis. The school is considering rescinding its ban.

Olympic Syndrome
Many Chinese are depressed these days, sluggish at work, some are prone to crying. A prominent psychologist quoted in the state-run media attributed all this to the Olympic Syndrome, the slow realization that the good times are over and manual drudgery, choking pollution, and one child per family will be the reality for the rest of their lives. Actually, that is really depressing.

Greased Lightning
Fuelled only by used cooking fat, eight teams completed a 2,500-mile car rally from London to Athens on Wednesday in a bid to promote awareness of cheap and environmentally-friendly bio-fuels. The "Grease to Greece" race, the brainchild of 34-year-old Londoner Andy Pag, took the teams on a 10-day mission across Europe in which they begged oil to fuel their cars from restaurants, motorway cafes and fast-food joints along the way. What's worse, incessant pollution inside a warming atmosphere, or every car creating the aroma of a McDonald's kitchen?

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