THE SPORTING EQUIVALENCY: KEANU REEVES

by Ted Bauer

Keanu Reeves turns 44 today (is it wrong to be scared by the fact that Reeves is almost 50 years old?) The dude has had some big hits—Point Break, Speed and The Matrix flicks, but he has dropped off a little recently (think The Lake House and Scanner Darkly.) Who would Reeves be in the major sports, as he tries to revive his career with The Day the Earth Stood Still? Let's turn to The Sporting Equivalency to find out.

Keanu Reeves' MLB Equivalent: Bronson Arroyo

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Both goofy dudes—ever seen an Arroyo commercial?—and both singers (even though Reeves has abandoned his musical interests for now, he was still a prominent actor/rocker for years and Arroyo is, well, totally comfortable singing Matchbox 20's "3 AM."

Keanu Reeves' NBA Equivalent: Shawn Marion

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Get it? The Matrix? Ha! Bonus: neither seems completely comfortable in their own skin of late (Reeves has been eclipsed by a lot of dudes on "the A-List" and Marion doesn't seem long for Miami right now).

Keanu Reeves' NFL Equivalent: Kurt Warner

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His character in The Replacements is similar to Warner in one main respect: has to return from multiple career obstacles to become a star again. The odd second parallel: if The Day the Earth Stood Still is successful, Reeves will slide back onto the "guys everyone wants for roles" list, likely knocking off someone like Shia LaBeouf for the time being—kinda like how Warner is still holding Leinart at bay.

Keanu Reeves' College Football Equivalent: Mark Sanchez

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Our logic here: Reeves was born in Beirut, raised in Canada, then briefly in Australia. That's an odd background for a Hollywood dude. Sanchez is a Mexican-American QB, which you don't see often. And for real, the way he was operating that USC offense on Saturday made it seem like he was driving a bus that couldn't go below 60 MPH! Hey-o!

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