THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

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"Baby, for a base jumper, it's a code. Pain don't hurt." … "Did you just quote Swayze from Road House?"

Every now and then something happens that puts it all in perspective. Be it a death, a birth or a bold comeback from a boy band you thought would never get over their internal strife and sexual confusion. Today is one one of those days. In 1698—on this day—Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. Beards! Imagine the descendents of Merlin Olsen and Dan Fouts handing over the last of their hard-earned rupels. Makes you shudder, no? Do that and check the map up top for good sports news from around the globe. Believe us, the perspective will do you good.

Bad Base Jumping: Now on Video!
Norwegian base jumper Hans Lange isn't having a good day. He leapt off the mile-high Bjoerketind's peak and realized, a bit too late, that he was much too close to the mountain's wall. He deployed the parachute but then slammed into a bed of rocks and fell through a tree. And because he had a video camera on his suit, you, too, can watch the whole accident. Lange broke his leg in a couple spots, but says he'll jump again. Gnarly, brah'.

Splash Down
Darren Taylor, known as Professor Splash, will attempt to land safely in one foot of water from a height of 40 ft on live television. The former strip-club DJ from Denver will reach speeds of up to 30 mph in the record effort next week. While most divers try to makes themselves as aerodynamic as possible, Mr Taylor stretches out his limbs and belly flops into the water. "I study a lot of video, and I transform myself into a different being. I become rock hard, I feel no pain," he said. Can the world afford to lose another strip-club DJ?

Neck Deep in Stupidity
We doubt Wayne Cox is an experienced fisherman. The New Jersey man went fishing yesterday but didn't notice the tide had gone out. On his return trip to Thompsons Beach—with no catches, natch—about 150 feet separated Cox's boat from the shoreline. Easy enogh, Cox thought, and tried to walk it. That's when he sunk neck-deep into mud and could not move. It took the local fire department 45 minutes to extract him.

Speed Kills
What, this is a bummer. A motorcyclist was killed after losing control of his bike at 385 kilometers (239 miles) per hour and crashing on Utah's famous Bonneville Salt Flats, authorities and reports said Thursday. The American Motorcyclist Association said in a statement on its website that 49-year-old Cliff Gullett of Montana was killed in an accident during a time trial at the location. So let's clarify, however. Motorcycles are safe up to 200 MPH, yes?

Do You Not Understand Our Greatness?
Namibia has a good national rugby team—crowned African champions for two consecutive years, been to some World Cups. But you wouldn't know it if you lived there. To get to its latest tournament, the team needed a $350,000 sponsorship. Rugby Union President Dirk Conradie went before the government's ministry of sport yesterday and went off. "Do you realize that these young men are African champions? What is it that you don't understand about this? What do you want us to tell you?" he screamed. The sports minister said, in essence, "I feel your pain" but made no promises.

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