FANTASY WORLD: KEEPERS, OR...
"FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS"

A guide to who you must hang onto for next year.

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"What happened to Tom Hulce after Amadeus?" ... "Well, Parenthood, but he's too theatrical." ... "Maybe you're right."

I've been there. I know what it's like to be in the last dull weeks of a fantasy baseball season, where you're on the sidelines, kicking dirt with your hands in your pockets, while the other owners are having fun in the playoffs. So I understand why folks turn to fantasy football this time of year instead of following their baseball team to the final out.

This slow winding down is the reason I decided to partake in a keeper league: the season never ends! It allows you to follow baseball all the way down the stretch, always scouting. In fact, let's go position-by-position and take a look at the best keepers this offseason. (For clarification, the following players are who I expect to have the best 3-year span, starting next season.)

Catcher: Joe Mauer (AL), Geovany Soto (NL)
Mauer is the obvious choice because (a) he's really good and (b) there's not a whole lot else on the catcher front in the AL. (Yet, at least. Keep an eye on the Orioles' Matt Wieters.) Soto is a dicier proposition, seeing as he shares a league with Brian McCann who is virtually interchangeable (23 HRs, .365 OBP for McCann and 21 HRs, .368 OBP for Soto). The Cubbie backstop gets the nod here for simply playing half his games in Wrigley while hitting in a lineup that should remain potent for the foreseeable future.

First Baseman: Justin Morneau (AL), Albert Pujols (NL)
Sometimes you can't go wrong with the obvious choices. The only red flag is that Pujols plans on having Tommy John this offseason if the Cardinals don't make it to the playoffs. If they do, he might hold off until next offseason. Either way, he's the best … around!

Second Baseman: Dustin Pedroia (AL), Ian Stewart (NL)
Pedroia is obvious—he's 24 and already an MVP candidate—but the NL side is tricky. Common sense dictates that Chase Utley or Dan Uggla should be chosen, but they're both already past that magical 27th birthday. Meanwhile, Stewart just got called up this year and hasn't disappointed, hitting .295 with 9 HRs in only 210 at-bats. Give him a full season and he's right around 26 HRs. And of course, the obvious bonus: Stewart plays his home games in the zero gravity haven of Denver. One thing to keep in mind is that Stewart played only 12 games at 2nd base this year versus 4 times as many at the hot corner, so there's no guarantee he retains 2nd base eligibility. But it's a whole lot easier seeing him taking at-bats away from Clint Barmes than Garrett Atkins.

Shortstop: Alexei Ramirez (AL), Hanley Ramirez (NL)
The reason the Cuban Missile, currently manning 2nd base, gets put here at shortstop is because that's where he's supposed to play once Orlando Cabrera moves on to greener, non-Chicagoan pastures following this year. If that's the case, Sexy Alexei is the best of the not-so-great AL shortstops; the days of the Big Four are long gone. Hanley Ramirez, meanwhile, is head and shoulders above pretty much the entire league.

Third Baseman: Miguel Cabrera (AL), David Wright (NL)
Some felt Miggy's value would take a hit in the cavernous spaces of Comerica Park, but, as of this writing, he's only a HR and 3 RBI away from reaching last year's stats. His batting average has dipped a bit (.293 this year from a .327 average for his last 3 years in Florida) but you can chalk that up to anything, maybe even the stress of having to play in a city with one of the worst mayors of all time. He'll be fine. Did I mention he's only 25? Coincidentally, that's the same age as David Wright, who should own this keeper list top spot for the next half-decade.

Outfielders: Grady Sizemore, Carlos Quentin, Nick Markakis (AL), Matt Holliday, Nate McLouth, Matt Kemp (NL)
While you could make an argument for Josh Hamilton, much of his value this year comes from insanely high RBI numbers, which tend to shift on a season-to-season basis. The three on the list are all younger and have higher OBPs (in order, .379, .394, .399 to Hamilton's .365). In the NL, McLouth and Holliday are obvious choices, but Kemp might catch folks off-guard. At 23, this year was more about getting Kemp's feet damp in the majors, and he's been more than adequate, hitting .285, 16 HRs and 33 stolen bases. As long as Joe Torre doesn't get mired in another weird Juan Pierre-Andruw Jones platoon next year—and the thinking here is that he's too smart to fall for that again—Kemp will be a top-15 outfielder.

Starting Pitcher: Scott Kazmir (AL), Tim Lincecum (NL)
You can't go wrong with a lot of young pitchers, but Kazmir is the high-strikeout ace (147 Ks in 133 innings) of a team that will only get better. Bonus: Since he missed a month this season, his arm is still relatively fresh; he should be good for another 200 innings next year. Lincecum, meanwhile, plays for one of the worst-managed organizations in professional sports, so it's fine to be skeptical. But a talent like this doesn't come around too often; he's worth the risk.

Relief Pitcher: Joe Nathan (AL), Jose Valverde (NL)
I've never been one to hold onto closers—their value shifts way too much on a year-to-year basis—so if you want to hang onto K-Rod, fine. But the thing that worries me about him, besides his throwing motion, is his up-in-the-air contract status. Nathan is signed through 2011 and is on a team that is consistently competitive. Valverde, gunning for his second straight save title while pitching for the mediocre Houston Astros, is as good a bet as any in the NL. Where will K-Rod go?

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Player On My Team of the Week: Jesse Litsch, proving he learned from his mid-season banishment to the minors with a complete game shutout last week against those pesky Twins

How to Heckle One of My Players: "Hey Jarrod Saltalamacchia, sad to see your season end prematurely, but maybe next year you can try to hit more home runs than you have a's in your last name."

Worst Misplacement of Luggage: American Airlines, who misplaced a casket containing the dead body of a 57-year-old woman for 4 days. And while that might not seem like a long time, keep in mind that it was 4 days in a stuffy compartment without refrigeration. The big question is whether or not the casket's owner will have the $15 bag fee reimbursed.
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Buy High: My destiny this fantasy football season, as I had the pleasure of taking on the MCL-and-ACL-less Tom Brady in 3 of my 5 leagues. Maybe this is finally the year I live up to my name as "fantasy guru" by being extremely lucky! Wait, fantasy football is mostly luck.

Sell Low: Justification for Gregg Easterbrook's fears, after the world didn't collapse upon itself when the Large Hadron Collider atom-smasher in Switzerland was activated. And, right now, let me guarantee to you that it never will! Then again, I can afford to make a bold prediction like that, seeing as if I'm wrong there won't be anyone around to call me on it. Win-win!

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