THE ULTIMATE RACE

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The winter chill stops for no one.

WHICH WILL END THE WORLD FIRST: GLOBAL WARMING OR PEAK OIL?

We thought it might be fun to run the two doomsday scenarios head to head, based on a mostly random reading of current events. What can we say? We like competition.

THIS WEEK: CHILL IN THE AIR!

Oil prices drifted down toward $100 this week, and yet Peak Oilers couldn't be happier. What gives? The Old Farmer's Almanac, that's what. It's a gift that keeps on giving, too, for over 200 years!

The Old Farmers, as opposed to one of our favorite old groups, the Beat Farmers, see global cooling for the next five decades or so (sunspots and whatnot). More relevant? A cold winter this year! And that will mean heating oil prices through the roof! Which is why it's important to insulate your attic properly.

Last year, the Old Farmers predicted a cold winter in the Northeast, and came up with the most snow in 150 years in New Hampshire—not to mention a long cold spell for the Patriots beginning in February.

And speaking of football, cold-weather cities rocked Week 1 in the NFL. Buffalo, Chicago, Green Bay—all are forces to reckon with this season. (Detroit and Minnesota? They're DQ'd because they play in domes. The only 'dome the Ultimate Race approves of plays for the Cubs, and he's really cold, too—below the Mendoza line in the last two months!)

Even Hurrican Ike, which would seem to be a good thing for Global Warming, will wind up helping the Oilers, by ripping a path of destruction through Gulf drilling platforms and oil refineries like Ryan Howard! Or an awesome Shia LeBeouf movie even! And really, is there any other kind of Shia LeBeouf movie?

So Peak Oil wins the week to close the Heat's lead to 15-13-2! Talk about Revenge of the Fallen!

WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU, THE FAN:
Now that you're hep to the climatological implications on the NFL season, what about the college game? Does this mean USC is doomed against Ohio State, just because it has better weather?

No. Take the Trojans.

But it does mean that you should put on an extra Tressel sweater when you go to watch Ohio State beat Michigan later in the year.

PREVIOUSLY IN THE ULTIMATE RACE

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