THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

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"Every time I take out the trash there's a French dude in a lab coat ready to go to work on it."

So many days of anyone's life look and feel and pass just like the ones that came before. Then there is the Most Important Day of Your Life. Many people don't know it's the Most Important until they have the benefit of hindsight. Sometimes a person knows it's important, but it's beyond his or her control: the day someone gets married, the day someone has a child, etc. But a lucky few are well aware it's the Most Important Day, and they play an active role in shaping it. And among those lucky few, there is a group whose lives are chronicled by outsiders, written and recorded and then distributed to the masses. Today, October 2, in the Year of Our Lord 2008, two people will have their Most Important Days: Sarah Palin and Carlos Zambrano. And all of America will get to watch how each responds to it.

It's almost creepy how similar the circumstances are. Both Palin and Zambrano could say today really isn't that important. Palin could argue that vice presidential debates historically are of little significance, and Zambrano could say, Dude, it's just one start in the post-season. But let's be honest here. The McCain presidency hinges on tonight's debate. Similarly, the Cubs are in far more dire straights than an 0-1 deficit would project. Manny has made the Dodgers KirkGibson good, and the Cubs can't go down 0-2 with their abysmal record on the road. Zambrano has to pitch better than—and we're not making this up—his 18.47 ERA of his past two starts. And he needs to pitch better than he ever has in the post-season—he's 0-4 there—or this surreal, hoped-for season, 100 years after the Cubs last World Series, will end just like the previous 99, and Zambrano will be remembered as the Cub who threw a no-hitter, but couldn't throw a strike when it mattered most—just as Palin wowed at the RNC, but couldn't stand up to ol' Joe Biden.

We will be watching, you two.

Elsewhere…

The Brits have their own version of Freddy Adu, ie, a kid who is way too young to truly peg hopes to, but too interesting to keep on the sidelines. He plays for Barnsley, which is an incredible name for a butler.

Before he hops on a bike in France again, the French want to test every cup Lance Armstrong has ever filled. You get the idea.

While we're on the subject of bikes, Lance ought to take this for a spin. It's only worth about $120,000. Some kid will probably get this for a "Sweet 14" show on MTV in two years. The world is sad.

On the day of the VP debate, let's hope Palin doesn't show up with this bad boy, an Ohio-made bow and arrow set in her honor. Yikes! Now, where can we re-subscribe to Chicks with Bows magazine?

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