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THE MAG.COM PRESENTS:
ALL WORLD POWER RANKINGS

by Ted Bauer

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Johnny Boy.

WHEN IT COMES TO THE BEST 'RED RIVERS' EVER, WE'RE PARTIAL TO THE JOHN WAYNE FILM

[Ed's note: Not sure what All-World Power Rankings is? Please click here.]

Biggest game of the college football weekend (unless you live in Florida or Louisiana)? The Red River Rivalry game between No. 1 Oklahoma and No. 5 Texas (12pm, ABC). Read more about it here. There are actually far more uses of the term 'red river' than just the waterway dividing the states of Oklahoma and Texas. We decided to rank 'em. Bear in mind: we're doing this to have a chuckle. The Red River Rivalry game is one of the most intense things in college sports. It's really No. 1 by a long shot. But hey, we're trying to extend the idea.

TOP 5
RANK (YESTERDAY) WHAT WHY
1 (68) RED RIVER, THE 1948 JOHN WAYNE MOVIE Info here. Wayne is a pretty masculine dude. We're not sure whose pregame speech is more fiery: his or Bob Stoops. Side note: you ever hear an interview where another coach calls him "Bobby Stoops?" Doesn't that seem wrong?
2 (62) RED RIVER, THE JAPANESE COMIC BOOK Is this the thing our boss left ESPN to work for? Oh no, that was Yu-Gi-Oh.
3 (79) "RED RIVER VALLEY," THE FOLK SONG Lyrics include: "Do not hasten to bid me adieu // Just remember the Red River Valley // and the cowboy that loved you so true." Sounds like something Romo wrote to sing back to Simpson.
4 (92) RED RIVER OX CART Cool. We'd buy one of these if it popped up on eBay. (You can't challenge us on that because chances are, it never will.)
5 (87) RED RIVER HOG It's also known as the "Bush Pig" (insert snide political comment, then immediately take it back) and roams in Africa. According to this, "they are capable of causing damage to plantations." Hey, aren't we all?

HONORABLE MENTION
RANK (YESTERDAY) WHAT WHY
82 (139) RED RIVER CEREAL "The hot cereal is made with a 4:1 water to cereal ratio." Uh, is that good?
103 (1,870) RED RIVER, KENTUCKY Did ya know the largest golden redhorse ever taken in Kentucky (4 lbs, 5 oz) was taken in Red River? You probably don't care either, but we're trying to broaden your mind a little.

RISING AND FALLING
MOVEMENT WHAT
RED RIVER, NEW MEXICO (The Red River Ski Area is apparently pretty cool.)
RED RIVER, WISCONSIN (BckyFan1021: Hey Bielema, win a damn game!)
For more All-World Power Rankings, CLICK HERE


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