REPORTING FROM ... THE WORLD SERIES, GAME 1

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Don't even think about asking me a question you already know the answer to.

Please be aware that what I'm about to do may get me in trouble with my colleagues. This is treading on the magician-who-explains-his-ticks level, but I can no longer suppress my admiration for the baseball playoff quote sheet, it's truly a life saver.

A quick explanation: Each year Major League Baseball hires a stenographer to transcribe all media room interviews. In about 30 minutes, each interview has been transcribed and a quote sheet with that transcription is handed out to the press. (Imagine if you had this service everyday? You would never lose an argument because you'd always know what you said!)

I can't begin to explain number of times I've used that quote sheet in a pinch, because either I was pinched for time, couldn't be in two places at once, or, more likely, I missed a pre-game interview because I stumbled in late to the ballpark after a late night post-game party.

In honor of the precious quote sheet, I've written a haiku:

No time on deadline
Need a usable coach blurb
Oh thank you quote sheet.

And with that I present to you highlights from the World Series Game 1 quote sheet (these are taken verbatim from the quote sheet):

Worst Question: (asked to Phillies manager Charlie Manuel)
Q. What does Jimy Williams do for you on the bench?

Do we really need a job description at this point?

Worst Answer: (To the question: Can you say what you'll do with the DH tomorrow against the right-handed pitcher?)
Charlie Manuel: We've got some options. We have three left-handed hitters sitting on our bench. We can be strong on our left-handed hitters. If I want to or if I choose, I can probably overload our lineup with left-handed hitters, but I'll wait and see exactly what I want to do tomorrow.

Charlie, you have either Chris Coste or Matt Stairs as your DH choices. Is hiding either guy really going to dumbfound the Rays? We're not exactly talking David Ortiz here.

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