THE MORNING ACCORDING TO US

Getty Images

"Well, that escalated quickly."

Arien O'Connell is a fifth-grade teacher from New York City who happens to have won the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco last Sunday. The 24-year-old surprised herself, she surprised the elite group awarded a 20-minute head start, and she really surprised the race sponsor. Nike's response to a mere commoner winning the marathon? Never. Only the elite category of runners will be awarded trophies. It's the law! Clearly, there's a class distinction here.

Not until the Barons of Beaverton realized they'd tied their own shoelaces together, taking a PR tumble, did they recognize Ms. O'Connell as "a winner". A co-winner, despite the fact that she'd beaten the fastest elite runner by 11 minutes. Ah, sweet justice was served. You can put down the torches, fellow plebes, and walk away from the moat. In a bit more contemporary sense, there's a definite Socs versus Greasers vibe happening here. "Let's do it for, Arien!"

Sure, Nike acquiesced and eliminated the elite category for future San Francisco marathons. Socialism! As for the other marathons the shoe giant sponsors? Well, it's not ready to stick its neck over the finish line for that just yet. The rank and file is bound to get squeezed again.

As we focus the telescopic lens on the sports universe, let us notice that the elite MLB teams (Yankees, Red Sox, Mets, and Dodgers) are all home watching the most modest team called the Tampa Bay Rays play in the Fall Classic. After all, baseball isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.

Elsewhere…

Do you really want to anger the New Zealand rugby team by calling yourselves the "All Blacks"? We think it not wise.

They dropped the charges! They dropped the charges! The tyranny of the elderly neighbor lives!

Chad says being Ocho Cinco is too pricey.

Well, cheering for the Habs is now officially a religion. A religion that can't win a cup.

Print Article . Email Article. Subscribe to The Magazine