THE SPORTING EQUIVALENCY:
JULIA ROBERTS

One of the biggest female stars ever, equated to male athletes.

by Ted Bauer

[Ed's note: Not sure what 'The Sporting Equivalency' is? Please click here.]

Julia Roberts turns 41 today. (Sheesh, we're all getting old.) There was absolutely no way for us to do 'Sporting Equivalency' on anyone except her. One word of caution before we commence: we typically equate celebs to only active athletes, but everyone knows Julia is Michael Jordan. How many female actresses in the last decade have been called "the next Julia Roberts?" Does that ring a bell, Harold Miner? How about for you, Kobe Bryant? Ever get tiresome? We really want Reese Witherspoon and LeBron James to appear on Dr.Phil and start crying: "Can't we just be the first one of us?" Ha. We're mean. Anyway, here we go with Julia.

Julia Roberts' MLB Equivalent: John Smoltz

We were going to go with Roger Clemens, but we said "only active players." (Granted, we're not sure how "active" Smoltz is, either.) The logic on Clemens woulda been: in her early career, Roberts was everywhere. In 1988, for example, she made five flicks. Now, she makes one movie a year, which you can do when you're racking $25 million per. Remember Clemens, a few years ago? "Eh, I don't feel like traveling these two weeks. I'll see ya back here." (Also, some think Roberts is sketchy because Danny Moder was married when they met, much like some think Clemens is sketchy because, well, for a lot of reasons.) The logic on Smoltz? They've both been around forever, are completely iconic and can pretty much do whatever they want. "I feel like going back to the bullpen, Bobby." "Not gonna argue."

Julia Roberts' NBA Equivalent: Dikembe Mutombo

Again, both have been around forever. Roberts is pretty active in charities (especially UNICEF) and narrated a documentary called Silent Angels about the neurodevelopmental disorder Rett syndrome. Bonus: could you see Deke in this scene? It'd be amazing.

Julia Roberts' NFL Equivalent: Tom Brady

We really wanted to avoid this one, but we had to do it. Roberts has made People's "50 Most Beautiful People" list eleven times. ELEVEN! That's almost criminal. In 2001, she ranked ahead of the First Lady of the United States in a listing of "the most powerful women in this country." Brady? He plays golf with Presidents.

Julia Roberts' College Football Equivalent: Colt McCoy

Cool name, humble beginnings (Roberts' dad sold vacuum cleaners) and really, can't do anything wrong. Well, McCoy fumbled against Okie State, but heck, Roberts made America's Sweethearts.

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